| October 29, 2012 | 10:00 am

After much thinking and much talking it over with friends and colleagues, I have decided to step down as editor-in-chief of WHACK! Magazine as of this week. It’s been about three and a half years now since my buddy j. vegas and I started WHACK! Initially it was all a big joke–we were going to run a fake porn news magazine (think The Onion of porn) to help promote a webisode we were working on together, and write as some of the characters on the show. But as things got rolling, we realized that we were really on to something. The adult industry didn’t have much in the way of news outlets at the time, and certainly none with a sense of humor. Before we even took stock of what was happening, we were running a fully functional half-news, half-parody online magazine that poked fun at performers while also doling out honest reviews of DVDs, interviews with the stars, press releases, product reviews, and scathing yet hilarious op-eds. We collected a cohort of the smartest and most deranged writers we could find, from the razor-witted Maxxx Peters to the sweet yet filthy Lolly Gagger to the passionate yet pervy Christian Madsen, and soon we were getting press passes to conventions, VIP passes to events, and requests for interviews from everyone from newbie performers to porn legends.

It’s been a fantastic experience, and many of my greatest professional achievements so far have come as direct results of my involvement with the “provocative periodical for the cultured degenerate” I oversaw. The contacts I’ve made and the good times I’ve had have been many. But to every thing, turn, turn, turn, and so on; for the past year I have had less and less time to devote to WHACK! as I have pursued other creative projects. It has gradually become clear that while I love my magazine very much, I don’t enjoy administrative roles. I’d rather be writing or interviewing or painting or curating than handing out deadlines, editing, posting, formatting, and networking about advertising costs. Likewise, my cohort in crime all this time and my editorial director, j. vegas, has begun work on some other projects, gotten married, and had a baby, and has found less time available to work on the magazine. And so, as of this week, we will be both be turning over the magazine to our indomitable friend Christian Madsen, who will become the Freak in Charge at WHACK!

I will continue to write reviews and conduct interviews for the magazine, and to help Christian out during the transition. I’ll still be showing up at industry events and shoving a microphone in people’s faces, waxing philosophic over movies with titles like “Ass-Eaters Anonymous #32,” and ranting about pubic hair, but as time goes on I will be working more on my graphic novel, taking “Consent” out of New York to conventions and museums all around the country, and pursuing my other creative projects on my own.

It’s been a wild ride. To quote the late great Doctor, “I never knew where I was going, but I ripped the tits off everything that got in my way. By the time they figured me out, it was too late.”

| April 12, 2012 | 7:21 pm

And the writeups and reviews and hype just keeps rolling in for Consent at apexart, you amazing creatures (a month from today… *tear), like a wave at a beach that’s a little dirtier than you want it to be, and you’ll probably go home with a sunburn, but hey, it’s a day at the damn beach dammit! Quit whining.

Some from Aby San Thomas for StarringNYC, and featuring the BEST photo from the opening (featured above and stolen originally from Eat the Cake NYC): ‘Lynsey calls porn a distorted mirror of society, explaining that although porn isn’t always what consumers want to see, it’s what those who make it think people want to see. “People have never really been asked to talk about pornography and their own personal relationship to pornography. And I found out that when I asked people, it was like the floodgates had opened. People really, really wanted to talk,” says Lynsey.’

And some from The Sex Files by Ralph Greco over at ShortandSweetNYC, who manages to spell my name wrong and not say much but is still nice.

And from the folks at apexart itself, a little bit on my next event: a discussion panel about responsibility, ethics, education, entertainment, and sustainability in porn, featuring yours truly, Cindy Gallop, Sarah Forbes, Dan Reilly, and Madison Young (and likely a few others–confirmations pending). Free booze, riveting conversation, and porn all around you! Life, my darlings, is oh so sweet.


| October 22, 2011 | 2:27 pm

Team Yellow: Gia "The Fountain" DiMarco and Lyla "The Jaguar" Storm

Last night’s live tag team match-up of the featherweights, broadcast live on Kink.com from the Armory in San Francisco, was one hell of a match, ladies and gents! Yours truly was there with bells on to get a peek at the smallest and toughest girls from the internet grapple, grope, and fuck each other into submission right before her very eyes, and the eyes of hundreds of other screaming fans. Personally, I was super-excited: not only is the spectacle of wrestling always kind of homoerotic and therefore exciting anyway, but the women wrestling last night were all under 105 pounds; they were MY SIZE! I have long maintained that I’m tough as really small, pointy nails and that nobody should take my diminutive size for weakness, so watching the tiny ladies of Team Blue (Serena Blair & Emma Haize) take on the equally little ladies of  Team Yellow (Gia DiMarco and Lyla Storm) was so validating for oft-mocked, Napoleon-complex-bearing, 95-pound me.

Team Blue: Serena "The Jockey" Blair and Emma "The Haizer" Haize

And what a match it was! For serious, you guys, they were tied neck-in-neck for the first three rounds, points being awarded in nearly equal parts as the fighters fondled, fingered,  licked, smothered, face-sat, and kissed in a desperate struggle for dominance. Team Yellow’s long, lean, tan Gia and Lyla dominated early, their eagerness to fight and fuck clear in their grinning faces, hile Team Blue’s paler, more buttery-bodied Serena and Emma got pounded, but over the course of three twelve-minute rounds, I learned a few things: 1) tall, skinny girls are WIRY and not to be meddled with, but 2) compact, pale, Irish-looking girls are STRONG. These girls were rookies, and their inexperience showed in their lack of solid wrestling moves, but Emma Haize, whose teammate Serena seemed a bit out of her depth as she was forcibly fingered by the Yellow ladies, dominated this match. Emma was shorter and less lean than her opponents, but the grim determination on her face as she held Gia down and smothered, fingered, and kissed her all at once was truly impressive. This woman was strong as a very small ox, and not about to let the championship go.

When she won it for Team Blue, she got her just deserts: a six-woman strap-on orgy starring Team Blue and Kink.com staples Isis and Donna, in which Team Yellow’s Gia and Lyla were double-teamed by giant dildos for a full twelve minutes. The best thing about Ultimate Surrender? There are very happy — actually GUSHINGLY happy — endings for everyone. In the end, especially on International Fisting Day (which was duly observed by Team Yellow, several times over and much to the glee of the audience), everybody wins.

Everybody wins!

— Miss Lagsalot

| September 27, 2011 | 8:00 am

WHACK! MAGAZINE First things first: can you tell us a bit about who you are and your history in the industry for any readers who might not know?

NICA NOELLE I’m the creator of and sole writer/director for adult film studios Sweetheart Video, Sweet Sinner Films, and Sweet Sinema Productions. I’ve been directing adult films for about five years and prior to that I was a journalist and a legal worker. Throughout my twenties, I was a part-time stripper.

W! You are one of the adult industry professionals spearheading the Adult Performers Association: what made you decide that an organization like this was necessary?

NN It was a mixture of both personal and professional concern.  There were a few events that took place in our industry that caused me and others to feel frightened and unsafe.  On a personal front, I didn’t understand why others were making decisions about my health and safety that I wasn’t necessarily on board with, and I wasn’t sure if I had any recourse. There was a great deal of pressure to “go with the flow” and not raise any concerns publicly. I also felt a general (and growing) sense of confusion, hostility and unrest in the industry since the collapse of AIM Healthcare. As these things came to a head, I decided I should educate myself and try to make things better, or just leave the adult industry altogether.

Meanwhile, January Seraph, my partner in APA, was feeling exactly the same way and for very similar reasons. Once we started talking we discovered we had many of the same concerns, beliefs and goals. She’s very action-oriented and productive and so am I, so together we’re like a well-oiled machine. We brought the APA from conception to reality within a few days.

W! Who else is involved in getting it started?

NN Here are the roles we’ve currently assumed:

Nica Noelle – Co-Founder, mainstream media outreach and communications emphasis

January Seraph – Co-Founder, technical infrastructure & development emphasis

Madison Young – AP Community Resources and Outreach Chair

Maggie Mayhem – Sex Education & Safer Sex Chair

We’re still establishing who the Financial Advisor and Legal Advisor will be from a small group of people we’re considering. Additionally we are still establishing what other positions are needed, policy surrounding the terms and voting policy regarding these positions in the future.

W! In one or two sentences: what is the Adult Performers Association?

NN APA is an organization of adult performers and our supporters who are passionate about improving health, safety and quality of life for adult film entertainers.  We endeavor to reach these and other goals through education, encouragement, advocacy, resources and support.

W! Who is it for and what will it hopefully accomplish?

NN The APA is designed to improve the lives of Adult Industry Performers, but we believe everyone in the industry will benefit from our research and efforts. We intend to address health and safety conditions in the workplace, to educate performers on their rights, facilitate dialogue with agents, producers and studios, and rework our outdated and inaccurate image in the mainstream press.  Our ultimate goal is that Adult Performers will have access to healthcare, and develop a sense of security and empowerment through education, improved work conditions, and reduced social stigma.

W! One of the things I’ve seen repeated on the website and in interviews is that this organization is not meant to be “anti” anything. What might it be against? Why might people think that?

NN I think there’s some perception that we may be competing with other organizations or trying to rabble-rouse, but that’s not the case. We may not agree with other organizations on every issue, but we’re not about competition or infighting. Our ONLY agenda is to assist performers and to help to improve their quality of life.

W! You have also said that the organization will be not profit-oriented — that the idea stems from a sincere desire to help advocate the rights of adult performers. How does the APA plan to make the money required to offer resources to the community?

NN Through funding and donations. Right now that’s what we’re aiming for. We’d like to provide this service at no cost to performers.

W! The organization believes that it’s important to offer performers more testing options and to avoid a monopoly on STI testing. But isn’t centralized testing what worked so well for AIM and the industry?

NN We’re not “against” the centralization of testing — it’s just important to make sure it’s done right, that qualified doctors and labs are involved, that procedures are consistently followed, and patient questions and concerns properly and thoroughly addressed. There’s more than one way to structure a centralized system and we’d like to educate performers on ALL possible options. We think the proposed system can and must be improved upon if Performers’ rights are to be protected.

W! What could go wrong with a monopoly on testing? How do you hope to prevent that?

NN There’s a reason why antitrust laws exist, and why our legal system generally frowns upon monopolies in business.  At bottom, a

Nica Noelle

monopoly means there is no market competition, and — like it or not — competition is often what motivates business owners to offer the highest quality service at the lowest prices.

Following that reasoning, if Performers have no choice but to test at one lab, there‘s a potential for that lab to develop a lax attitude with respect to quality and service.  Because even if the service falls below standards, what are unhappy performers going to do — take their business elsewhere? They can’t! They’re not allowed! We believe that’s a potentially dangerous state of affairs.  But we are always open to dialogue and debate. Our only agenda is to act in the best interests of Adult Performers.

W! How frequently would the association like for performers to be tested for maximum safety?

NN This is an issue we’re currently researching and once our research is complete we’ll share our findings.

W! The organization plans to facilitate dialogue and understanding between the gay and straight porn industries. What steps would the association like to take?

NN There’s a lot of tension between the gay the straight porn communities, and a lot of fear, hostility and misinformation. Obviously both sides would benefit from increased understanding and cooperation as well as unified safety and testing standards.  We plan to facilitate some much needed dialogue so we can move forward as a group.

W! Providing résumés for all performers for perusal by potential costars is also on the docket, to be provided by agents. What issues do you hope to address with this system?

NN Performers want to know who they’re working with.  Performer resumes would answer such basic questions as, how much experience does this performer have? What kind of scenes have they done? Who have they worked with? If you’re about to have sex with a person, you have a right to know something about their work history and level of experience. Performers don’t all share the same boundaries and/or proclivities, so they should have the opportunity to turn down a scene if a costar’s resume makes them uncomfortable.

W! Media outreach is also a part of the plan. What type of image makeover do you hope to provide for performers and the industry in general?

NN The image of the Adult Performer is not at all reflective of who we are today. There are men and women from all walks of life performing in adult films by choice; not out of “desperation” or because they lack the skill set to do anything else. The notion that every performer is a drug addict, a sex addict, a victim, or just a confused and exploited person, is patently false. Performers confront daily these damaging stereotypes and live with the resulting sense of isolation, loneliness and depression.  In order to protect themselves from scorn and discrimination, Performers routinely lie about or hide what they do for a living. They may also disconnect from “civilian” friends — and even family — to avoid negative reactions and ultimatums.

W! Another goal is to be a group health plan for performers. Is health insurance a major issue in the industry?

NN It’s beyond major. It’s at a crisis level. Performers should and must have access to health insurance, and there is no item of higher importance on our agenda than this one.  It’s untenable that any adult performer should go without basic medical care. We work with our bodies, and we kiss and touch each other on a daily basis. It is absolutely necessary that we get our physicals, mammograms, and wellness appointments as needed, and investigate and treat symptoms in a timely manner.

W! Education seems to be a big goal, also — you’re planning videos and workshops on industry-pertinent topics. Tell us what topics are being discussed and why they are important.

NN Important topics include health tips, safety tips, hygiene and etiquette. But our videos will also demonstrate what a Performer can and should expect to encounter on an Adult Film shoot.  This includes paperwork and 2257 forms, and what those forms represent in terms of privacy.  Also, Performers should know what type of scene they were booked for, and they shouldn’t feel pressured to agree to a change in terms when they arrive. They should know that a director and/or costar should not ask for “extras,” on camera or off.  They should know that if they feel uncomfortable for any reason, they can and should leave and contact their agent or Adult Industry mentor.

We’ll also address the process of leaving the industry. Topics will include how to transition back into “civilian” life and provide resources to help navigate any rocky emotional/psychological terrain.

W! The association hopes to become a resource for information, support, and community in the industry, particularly for new performers. What do you wish people had told or helped you with when you when you started?

NN I wish that not only the permanence of digital media had been impressed upon us, but the implications that being in adult videos would have with regards to our personal privacy, via 2257 documentation and dissemination. I wish I had known exactly what privacy rights were being signed away before I took my first AIM test, so that I could have made an informed decision about whether I was okay with taking those risks. I wish there would have been an online community of adult performers who made themselves available to newcomers who had questions, or a website that would have alerted me to some of the health and safety issues about which every adult performer must become educated and navigate continuously throughout their career in adult films.

W! You’ve maintained that this is not meant to be a labor union, but it seems that many of the proposed changes would be effective only if every performer utilized the association’s resources. If providing a resume, using alternative testing facilities, requiring more recent tests in partners, and so on, were to be voluntary rather than mandatory, isn’t there a danger of two separate industries arising: one that utilizes the protocols of the association and one that doesn’t? How can this be addressed?

NN We’re hoping to change community standards so that the voluntary becomes the norm. After all, 30 day tests are a self-regulation that the Industry agreed to, but that standard wasn’t imposed upon us by external forces.  Industries often agree to their own code of ethics and conduct, and the Adult Industry has already demonstrated an ability to do that.  The APA is confident that if we introduce valid suggestions and solutions the Industry will respond. And with each area of improvement and success, confidence in the APA will grow. We look forward to proving ourselves.

W! What can our readers and adult performers do now to help the association?

NN Right now, just pay attention. Listen with a critical ear to what’s being said to you, both by us and anyone else who claims to have your best interests in mind. Don’t get angry or indifferent — just listen, and analyze the information being offered. Does it make sense to you? Why or why not? Use your voice. Question. Suggest. Comment. This is your industry. This is your health. This is your life. You have every right to be part of every single decision and debate. Beyond that, visit our website. Follow us on Twitter. Read our posts and updates, and stay aware.

We don’t want to charge Adult Performers for membership, but we will have a donations page available soon on our website for fans and supporters. We’re very grateful for those who wish to contribute to our cause.

—Interview conducted by the ever-curious and curiously evil Miss Lagsalot.

| January 15, 2011 | 3:21 pm

This may be just about the most fucked-up thing we’ve heard about at WHACK! — and that is saying a LOT, friends. Or maybe it’s the coolest. We can’t decide. Official, actual, real-life virgin Nicki Blue will be deflowered live on the internet tonight at 7 pm PST, in a ritualistic deflowering ceremony at Kink.com’s main headquarters at the San Francisco armory. Apparently this sweet, innocent young thing has long harbored a dream of “having vaginal sex for the first time and breaking her hymen among a group of like-minded individuals”, by which of course, given that it’s Kink.com we’re talking about, means hardcore bondage and probably some guys in hoods and masks, like in Eyes Wide Shut. At least, we hope so, cause that’s kind of cool, just on a whole other level of creepy.

I mean, on the one hand, good for Nicki for realizing her fantasy. Most of the virgins I know, or knew in high school anyway, might have had similar egomaniacal dreams of their biggest moment in life to date being turned into as big a deal for everyone else as it was for them. Seriously, losing your virginity is a huge milestone moment for all of us, and I think all of us secretly hoped it would be a huge event that would stop time and space. Most of us were deeply disappointed, instead, by the ten-to-thirty seconds of awkward humping that ensued in the back of somebody’s parents’ car before a mess was made and we never wanted to look at that geeky sonofabitch ever again without puking. So the fact that Nicki will get to not only live out her bondage dream, but also have her devirginization filmed for posterity at the hands of whichever Kink.com stud the members watching vote for, is really a pretty fucking awesome accomplishment. I wish my deflowerment had been so solemn and sexy!

But then again, the whole ritualistic aspect of this thing is kind of creeping me out. The way it’s talked about in the Xbiz.com article I read on the topic kind of makes it sound like an underground meeting of the Freemasons back in Victorian England, where a young virgin was gang-raped by the upper crust of England’s nobility, then mutilated in some Masonic rite and ritualistically offered to their pagan gods of the New Science. Or something. So, Nicki, we’re hoping this all goes well for you, but we recommend bringing a friend, remembering the safe word, and keeping a close eye out to make sure that the three woodsmen lined up for the chance to penetrate you really are James Deen, Jack Hammer, and Mark Davis, not some sixty-year old British gentleman with a penchant for disemboweling delicious young deviants like yourself. Just a word of caution.

—Miss Lagsalot

| January 13, 2011 | 12:01 am

"I bet she'd be good with some dippin' sauce."

As a WHACK! stapher, I like to think I answer to no man, and at the AEE Expo and AVN Awards this year, I made a point of being as irresponsible as my sickly constitution and weak mind would allow. As such, I can’t say for certain whether my memories of the debauchery in the back alleys and hotel rooms of Sin City are all, strictly speaking, real. It’s very possible that these are merely the ravings of a lunatic whose imagination was set far too loose around Las Vegas, but somewhere buried deep within is the grain of a truth more profound than reality, bitches. Or so I like to think.

Friday, January 7, 2011

My cooze-crazed colleague, Maxxx Peters, and I boarded an early flight from NYC to Vegas. Being, as we are, destitute and cheap to boot, we’d booked impossibly impractical flight times with ridiculous layovers in out-of-the-way cities to keep our expenses down. We barely made it out of NYC: it was snowing hard and we were almost ready to turn around and sleep through the weekend rather than fighting through storm clouds, but our cheap-ass airline got us to Ft. Lauderdale, for some ungodly reason, in good time. Our connecting flight left late and we landed in Vegas just in time to rush to our flea-infested motel off the strip, change, and NOT make it to the convention before it closed.

Lucky for us, we happened to be standing around feeling dejected with some other hangers-on at just the right time, drinking our troubles away with a bottle of Jack that Maxxx had purchased, and managed to sneak our besotted butts onto the Burning Angel party bus as it lurched its degenerate black ass across town to the Burning Angel After-Party at the Black Door. All manner of illicit insanity ensued aboard that bus, and though we’ve been sworn to secrecy, suffice it to say that there was tit-biting, crotch grabbing, radio-DJ-ing, and a veritable carpet of tattooed flesh layered upon itself and zipped up into a latex bodysuit of the sexiest kind.

Arriving at the Black Door, we were filmed going into the club by G4TV, and the rest of the blurry evening was spent wallowing behind a velvet rope amidst a rising tide of liquor, latex, and lasciviousness. We left sometime after midnight, but before 4:00 am. I believe there were lapdances, and Jiz Lee making out with Lux Altpraum, and moustachios, and loud music, and the G4 cameras all up in our faces all night… Fade to black.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Maxxx and I were up as early as we could muster, and after Bloody Marys, coffee, and eggs had been put away, we were off to the AEE convention to rack up as many interviews, photos, and other useless media objects as we could reasonably expect. Our hotel being miles away from the convention center at the Venetian and our broke asses being too poor to afford cabs, we arrived much later than we’d hoped to after walking for miles and dodging drunken frat boys at every turn, only to find the convention center so completely over-mobbed with horny fanbois that we couldn’t even see who the fuck was at the head of the signing lines. Overwhelmed by the spectacle of sad, overweight, pimply men with gigantic cameras and not a legitimate porn star visible to our lower vantage points (we’d never realized before what a boon to our abilities at conventions our publisher, Jack Hoff’s 6-foot-5 frame could be), we put an even bigger hurt into our bottle of Jack. By 4:30, the expo hall was clearing out as the whores and horndogs alike made their ways back to hotel rooms to prepare for the awards ceremony at the Palms that evening. Maxxx and I managed to link up with Katie Cox, Nina Hartley, a cadre of dimpled BBWs, Celeste Star, and our very own Stevie Valentine, before we headed back to prepare for our first-ever awards ceremony!

"Dis how we roll."

Several hours and more than several drinks later, Maxxx and I sallied forth in a rented cab to the Palms, where we hooked up with hundreds of gawking fans and waited to get into the Pearl Theater. It was boring as shit. We’d hoped to get some Red Carpet footage, but as we had no expectation of being able to take our huge-ass camera with us into the ceremony, we ended up standing around like a bunch of intoxicated losers while the excitement outside died down. When we were finally allowed into the inner sanctum of the sex industry, we ran into Mr. Marcus, Ron Jeremy, Ivan, Rico Montana, Charley Chase, and dozens of others, before retiring to our nosebleed seats, where for some reason we were sandwiched between taciturn fans who neither spoke nor applauded throughout the proceedings. Maxxx and I, however, were undaunted by their boringness, and proceeded to cheer, clap, whistle, scream, and drink heavily throughout. By the end of the awards ceremony, we were both seeing double, and the people around us had all left. I suspect our rowdiness may have had less to do with their hasty retreat than the botched and abominable performance put in by some Lady-Gaga-aping keytar act called “The Speaker  Junkies” toward the end. I still have nightmares about that performance.

Shnookered out of all reason, we found our way back to the front of the Palms, where we hobnobbed with Jiz Lee, Courtney Trouble, and Tina Horn, before pretending to be interested in after-parties while we changed in our hotel room and ending the night with pizza at the New York, New York Casino. The pizza was terrible, but the Jack was still going strong.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Maxxx and I blearily made our way back to the convention center, hung over, unhappy, and generally disheveled. We arrived, miraculously, before the last day of the convention got going, and had to stand around with the steaming piles of crap who call themselves journalists in this industry until the powers that be let us loose on the talent inside. Or, should we say, the lack of talent inside. Nobody showed up till almost noon, and by that time Maxxx and I were already a quarter bottle of Jack deep. We kept our shit mostly together, however, and managed to get some kind of inebriated film in with Ivan, Chanel Preston, the Girls and Corpses guy, Asa Akira, and… maybe… some other people… before our battery died and we were left standing around at the convention with our proverbial dicks in our hands and a whole shit-ton of business cards to hand out in hopes of future interviews.

Ah well. Never to be daunted or brought down by reality, we just went back to the hotel and napped. And it’s a damn good thing. We had a big day ahead of us the next day.

Monday, January 10, 2011

With pretty much everyone porn-related out of Sin City, Maxxx and I had hours to kill before our red-eye back to NYC. We figured we’d better make the best out of it while doing as little constructive work as humanly possible. We started our day with five beers and the rest of the Jack, then wandered the strip for hours fueled by as many more drinks as we could get our hands on. There was gambling. There was a David Bowie impersonator. There was a midget Elvis. There was In-N-Out Burger. There was decadence, there was degeneracy, there was a perfectly WHACK!-y day, and then there was the long and hungover flight back to the Big Apple, where, looking back on it, I can see in hindsight that I had a really stupid AVN weekend. But hey, considering the state of inebriation in which we performed the aforementioned tasks, I think we did pretty damn well, and once we get all the video footage processed and posted, we think you’ll agree. Or not. Whatever man, who cares what you think?

—Miss Lagsalot

| December 16, 2010 | 12:05 am

[Editorial Note: WARNING! Serious article ahead!]

As of late last week, AIM Healthcare Foundation’s flagship clinic in Sherman Oaks, California, has been temporarily shuttered due to a “business-related issues.” AIM (Adult Industry Medical) and LA County health officials both seem to be holding the line that a license issue popped up in the paperwork, but word in the jizz biz is that there might be something a little fishier going on.

The HIV-infected adult performer formerly known only as “Patient Zeta,” a gay-straight crossover performer whose positive test results came out back in October revealed himself last week, on December 8, as Derrick Burts, aka “Cameron Reid” in the straight porn world and “Derek Chambers” in the gay industry (he worked in both). Not only was he willing to give out his real identity, but he was ready to tell the world that AIM Healthcare testing is not enough to protect porn performers and that he was siding with the AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF), an AIDS activist group that has been trying to get AIM shut down for months, if not years. We’ve documented the ridiculous battle AHF has waged in the face of overwhelming evidence that the AIM and industry-specific testing has been doing an exemplary job of protecting performers from HIV/AIDS, as well as judiciary disinterest and Cal-OSHA head-shaking, and we frankly think that AHF is a bunch of knee-jerk couch-activists with no clue how the industry works or concern for performers. But that’s beside the point.

The point is that, despite the official line that paperwork is to blame for AIM’s “temporary” hiatus from the testing circuit and that everything will be back to normal soon, it seems awfully suspicious that Derrick Burts’s public announcement, in which he slammed AIM for irresponsible reporting of his results, negligence in follow-up, and refusal to provide him with enough information, stated that testing was not enough to protect porn performers, and sided with AHF’s demands that all porn should be condom-mandatory, came one day before AIM was shut down. It seems strangely coincidental that AHF’s long-held dream of ripping the one thing adult performers really seem in place to protect them came true immediately after a hugely public spectacle in which a performer sided with the condom-mandatory folks, and media outlets were all there to watch.

Nobody’s saying that AIM, which offers comprehensive, state-of-the-art, easily accessible testing in a non-judgmental and safe environment, and makes test results results easy to access via a comprehensive and up-to-date database, is perfect. Burts’s experience implies that the workings there could be more honest, open, and efficient, and Devon James, an adult performer who lives in Florida but often works in California, said that her last trip to California for testing and shooting “was one problem after another, stemming from my AIM test results, or lack thereof ! My results were days late! … I was told to wait 48 hours [for results], and scheduled accordingly, knowing that I was indeed STD free, and safe. But my results were ‘misplaced’! …When I did receive the results,  they were not mine! I was given results of another person tested at that clinic!” She lost shoot time and money into the  bargain.

But despite its shortcomings, AIM testing is (or was) helping. James is quick to point out that AIM usually does a wonderful job. “I would like to add that I of course have been there several times; as you know it is a must before each shoot. I will say that in past visits, all went smooth and as expected.” Adult director and brains behind Puba Power, Ivan, vociferated, “The one thing that  seems to escape everyone’s grasp is that AIM actually did its job. AIM actually caught the disease and prevented the spread, which is what we all want. We should be praising AIM, not pointing fingers.”

Despite his turnaround, Burts himself is a perfect example of AIM’s efficacy. While both gay and straight porn stars are frequently tested for HIV/AIDS and other diseases, the majority of the gay industry does not require a recent, negative HIV test from performers before a scene because most gay studios require condom use on the set. So, while it’s pretty safe to perform in a gay scene where condoms are being used, it’s entirely possible that your partner has HIV, and if anything goes awry (if the condom breaks before anyone notices, if the ejaculate lands in the wrong place, etc), you’re at risk. AIM testing, which is the standard for the straight porn industry, isn’t perfect: there’s a window of about a month during which a performer can have the HIV virus in his or system before it shows up on a test. But at least in Burts’s case, if his partner had been required to show his test results, more precautions may have been taken and he may not have ended up with HIV. (All this “his partner in a gay sex scene” business is in dispute, of course, like much of the rest of this debacle: Burts claims that the AIM people told him privately he’d contracted HIV from another performer, whose identity they refused to share, but AIM has publicly announced that he contracted HIV in his private life and brought into the industry. I’m using the former hypothesis because it proves my point, but I have no way of knowing which is true.)

So, while I feel for the guy and understand his position, I can’t really agree with him that AHF and condom-mandatory shoots are the way to protect performers. And shutting down AIM, while supposedly it has nothing to do with Burts or AHF, is not the way to help anyone. Kristina Rose, an AVN-nominated performer, wrote that she is “shocked and confused” by the situation. “I’m so angry and sad and honestly worried. We need to be talking about this. We can’t let it get swept under the rug again,” as HIV/AIDS issues in the porn industry usually are once the media attention has died down. “Closing AIM,” she continued, “isn’t going to solve anything. I think this is just another example of why testing should be mandatory on BOTH sides of the industry and also that some people need a reality check.”

In the meantime, performers are being urged to go to other clinics — LA County Health Director Jonathan Fielding has suggested county-sponsored clinics — for testing, albeit without the aid of AIM’s comprehensive performer database. Kristina says, “I guess I’ll be going to Talent Testing Services. They’ve been around for a while and have a similar set up to AIM. A lot of performers use them. But how long will it be until the government takes that away from us too?”

—Miss Lagsalot

| June 29, 2010 | 4:08 am

Editor’s Note: This is a transcription of Max’s reply to Miss Lagsalot’s inquiry about the ex-pornographer’s current state of being. The original letter can be found below the transcription. Yes, Max sent this pic along with the letter. And yes, he is serious.

Paul F. Little
America’s Most Wanted PornstarTM
La Tuna FCI
PO Box 3000
Anthony, NM 88021-9877

June 18, 2010

Ms. L. Lagsalot

Dear Ms. Lagsalot:

Thank you for writing in with the kind
words of concern, support, & inquiry.
I’m pleased to report that despite my
latest legal lashing — which has left
me a poore(sic!) political prisoner, I am
feeling fit and in superb spirits.
As always, I remain ready to publi-
cize the peril on(sic!) faces when exer-
cizing(sic!) sexually explicit artistic ex-

Firstly, though, let me congratulate
you for launching your weekly on-
line publication Whack! I’m sure
that it’s been quite an exhausting

Let’s get right to it then, and allow
me to state where my case has
settled. Despite the epic efforts
of my legal team led b the ace
1st Amendment attorney H. Louis Sirkin,
who was armed with an air-tight
appeal, the jaded justices of the
11th Circuit Court in Atlanta ignored
his inspired interpretation and logical
explanation of the U.S. Constitution,
and affirmed my unjust conviction
of making religiously immoral
motion pictures which were too
tawdry for the poor people of
Tampa to tolerate.

It should also be stated that
there were never any allegations of
anyone who was compelled to perform
in any of my movies. Also, no one in
Tampa, Florida, where I was prosecuted,
had protested my productions, and none
of the more explicit “European version”
videos for which I was convicted,
were promoted for purchase in America.
They were instead sold by an interna-
tional distributor who was a client
of mine, who re-sold them to an under-
cover postal inspector, without my know-
ledge, consent, or control.

I’m truly troubled by this disturbing
development, not simply for my own sake,
but for what it bodes for the entire
American adult industry. I had hoped
that the appellate court would have
exercized(sic!) a more enlightened under-
standing in upholding the rights of
Americans to enjoy adult entertain-
ment in the privacy of their own
homes, even if it is unsavory to
some religious conservatives.

Equally unsettling is that a jury of
my perported(sic!) peers would be unable
to understand the importance of
free expression as a fundemental(sic!)
human right. Them(sic!) sentence me to
46 months in prison, along with a
fine of nearly $100,000.00, simply
because my movies had somehow
violated their mysterious “community
standards,” which are nowhere writ-
ten down.

As a result of this outrageous
travesty of objectivity & open-
mindedness, I am being held
against my will very substandard

conditions here at the decrepit
La Tuna Federal Correctional Institute,
and will not have my liberty right-
fully restored until early next year
in 2011. In the meantime, I will
continue to hold my head up high,
because I know that I am not
a criminal, but the victim of an
ongoing crime.

Please feel free to publish the
preceeding statement, and add that
if any readers have any questions
or coments for me, I can be
written to at the following add-

Paul F. Little, #44902-112
La Tuna Federal Correctional Institute
Post Office Box 3000
Anthony, NM 88021-9897.

I also have two personal oppera-
tional(sic!) websites, and they are:
MaxHardcoreTv.com, & HardcoreMax.com.
My movies are also available for
download at: aebn.com, hotmovies.com,
and other fine retailers.


That’s all for this time. Have a
great day, and an even better

Most sincerely,
Paul F. Little
AKA Max Hardcore
America’s Most Wanted PornstarTM
(Please be sure to use the trade
mark symbol any time you publish
the above, thank-you![sic!])

| January 19, 2010 | 5:12 am

In the neon-backed glare of the Las Vegas morning on January 7, in a flourish of bleached hair and bouncy bobbling, adult star Bree Olson cut the ceremonial ribbon with a pair of oversized scissors, looking for all the world like a very bubbly fictional character and thereby opening up the festivities at the first AVN Adult Entertainment Expo of the new decade, unleashing thousands of fans and trade attendees, reporters and photographers, upon the always-ready hordes of horny professional sex performers: and WHACK! was there to bring all the action back to you, our dear and desperate readers.

Thursday being trade-only day, the 7th was a somewhat subdued time for the stars and their hangers-on to talk to the media, network, plan, and prepare for the fathomless sea of fans that would burst through the gates the next day, snapping photos, getting autographs, perusing new products, and standing around staring geekishly at every girl in sight.
And what a sight! With over 22,000 attendees and fourteen percent higher fan attendance than last year’s show, AEE this year was the place to be for porn. While the general opinion of AVN veterans seemed to be that the expo itself has gotten physically smaller recently (Raylene, WHACK!’s favorite cumback star who was at her first expo in eight years, commented that “It seems smaller”), what little ground there was, was literally covered with fans.

For those of us there as raunchy reporters with schedules to keep and a vested interest in seeing the action, it was difficult to move through the crowds of fanboi creeps, strippers and scantily clad girls handing out cards and samples, and packs of performers prowling the grounds as we tried to get to our next interview on time—but get there we did! WHACK! was lucky enough to get interviews with some of the industry’s hottest stars, all of which will be posted here at WHACK! Magazine over the next few weeks.

The expo itself, held at the Sands Expo and Convention Center attached to the Venetian hotel and casino, was laid out in standard fashion, with giant booths sponsored by the biggest porn studios filling up the first few rows of exhibitor booths: Evil Angel, Hustler, Vivid, Wicked, Jules Jordan, Adam and Eve, Elegant Angel, and Digital Playground to name a few. Lines stretched out at every angle, sometimes around the corner, as attendees waited patiently for a moment with their favorite stars, all of whom seemed to be there.
As the adult entertainment industry’s largest and most glamorous event of the year, everybody who’s anybody (who’s not stuck sick at home like WHACK!’s friend Jenna Presley, poor thing!) in the smut empire was there, from big-time directors, producers, and publishers like Larry Flynt (gold wheelchair and all!) to Jules Jordan, to the hottest honeys in the skin biz. Just off the top of my head: Tera Patrick, Gina Lynn, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, Tori Black, Jessica Drake, Jesse Jane, Kaylani Lei, Lexi Love, Moxxie Maddron, Teagan Presley, Andy San Dimas, Asa Akira, Ron Jeremy, Dane Dearmond, Sean Michaels, Mr. Marcus, Evan Stone, Erik Everhard… The list could go on for a page, easily, but we’ll leave it to others to type it all up. The Mustang Ranch, the country’s oldest operating brothel, even showcased real prostitutes. It was most definitely a salacious start to the decade ahead of us.

Anyway, along with the celebrities came an awful lot of celebrity lookalike, robotic, and standard sex dolls, ranging from the “cute” ones at Ruby 13, to a Wicked Doll that looked something like an alien crossed with Jessica Drake, to the Roxxxy True Companion, the world’s first sex robot, which was unveiled on Saturday and may have created one of the biggest buzzes of the whole weekend. Apparently the blow-up doll is a thing of the past—bring on the fembots! (WHACK! has already talked enough about them in depth, though, thankyouverymuch.)

Also on display for the woman-replacing segment of the crowd was a huge display for the Fleshlight, the vagina-mimicking device that’s been a top-seller in the male masturbation market. Fleshlights are diversifying as we speak; there are now all kinds of customizations and even the porn star–modeled vajayjays, mouths, and anuses of many top-notch celebuwhores, from Riley Steele to Teagan Presley. One-upping the Fleshlight, however, in price and performance, was the RealTouch, debuting at the next booth over.

The RealTouch uses the same basic (although less anatomically-correct looking) model as the FleshLight, in that it’s a tube-ish piece of equipment you sink your junk into. But the similarities end there: where the FleshLight boasts a fake vag inside, the RealTouch offers adjustable tightness, interior ribbed belts that move to simulate different positions, warmth, and even automatic lubrication. It’s more than double the price of most FleshLights (at almost $200 a pop), but then, it’s got way more bells and whistles to get you to pop off.

Adding to the excitement were booths from several local strip clubs featuring scantily clad dancers, poles, fetish and kink demonstrations from Clips4Sale; Slick Chix oil wrestling, our favorite Sin City institution, the Déjà Vu stripper mobile, and a 7 foot bucking penis, just for starters. Add to that a plethora of oils, lubes, jizz-sweetening concoctions, dildos, butt-plugs, vibrators, asses aplenty, and bondage gear, and you’ve got almost a complete expo.

But not quite… What’s missing? Oh! Right! The fans! Oh, the fans! Harry Palmers, to a man. Sadly maladjusted crowds of men standing before us as solid proof of just why porn is so important: if it weren’t for smut helping to satisfy the otherwise un-sexed masses of weird guys with propensities for weapon collection and sci-fi shit, there would be chaos in our midst. We’ve got a whole lot of commentary on them in another segment: Viva Los Palmers. But before we spend hundreds of words and lots of screen space to degrading them in true WHACK! fashion, let’s take a moment to give these guys some accolades. Sure, their balding patterns and facial hair are mystifying, and yeah, their fashion sense is classic bargain bin K-Mart, but these men (and their attendant few women) are what makes the porn business work. According to a recently published study on AEE participants in 2009, a full fifty-five percent of them still use DVDs as their primary medium for jerking off.
That might not seem like too many, but think about how many of your fucked-up friends have told you they’d never pay for porn because they get it all for free online. The truth is, the porn industry needs guys like the ones who show up at AEE to keep itself going—free internet content is not going to pay for a seven foot bucking penis, but DVD sales are. Furthermore, the same guys who come in droves to see their favorite porn whores on display are not just nerds, but nerds with bank: fifty-nine percent of the guys polled had at least once college degree, and forty-two percent reported a family income of over $80,000. So, laugh as much as we please about the obvious desperation in these guys’ eyes, but shit, nobody at WHACK! is making that kind of money.

Anyway, thanks to the attendance of tens of thousands of rich, sweaty guys and the looming spectacle of the AVN red carpet at the Palms and the AVN awards show afterward, excitement was running high at the expo. Sasha Grey gave a keynote speech, which was weirdly held downstairs in a maze of labyrinthine conference rooms instead of on the main stage (doesn’t “keynote” denote “major”?). She spoke on the growing power of women in the adult industry, and urged the adult industry to stick together as the new decade starts. Fang Ling Lee, noted erotic artist, unveiled a portrait of fan favorite and multiple AVN-winner, Jenna Haze. Tera Patrick and Seymour Butts both signed copies of their respective books.

Evan Stone informed listeners at the AVN stage that in order to be a male porn star you have to be comfortable “possibly getting another man’s bodily fluids on you, having another man tell you where to put your cock, and having another man telling you when to cum,” then instructing those without the fortitude “how to eat a woman out so well you’ll be guaranteed anal.” Shit was intense. And in the midst of all the horny madness, lurking about in the shadiest of shadows with shirts, books, flyers, and proselytizing, were the Jesus freaks.

That’s right, The XXX Church was there, handing out booklets and hogging the porn performers’ time in the signing line. Some other organization I don’t even feel like looking up was handing out Bibles and other inspirational books. And our favorite always-handy whore-turned-haranguer Shelley Lubben was seemingly everywhere, harassing the performers and fans alike, all while hoping to get her picture taken and her fame back to where it was when she was fucking for her fortune.

Aaaaaanyway, Saturday night’s AVN awards were the culmination of the weekend’s fan feeding frenzy. The red carpets went smoothly, with only a few nip slips (purposeful and otherwise), one see-through dress, rabid fans and rock stars lining the carpet, and of course, our old pal Ms. Lubben blessing the porn stars from the sidelines—we’ve got full, WHACK!-y coverage!

The awards show was, as usual, full of surprises, with comedian Dave Attell hosting and no doubt euphoric over being surrounded by such huge lumps and hot ladies. Tori Black, one of the prettiest stars in the stratosphere, walked away from the show with an armful of trophies, one of them for Female Performer of the Year, as well as six other awards! We here at WHACK! knew that ass was incredible, but we didn’t know the industry agreed so whole-hard-on-ly. The 8th Day, a post-apocalypse feature from Adam & Eve, cleaned up with seven awards, as well, including Best Feature and Best All-Girl Threeway. Wicked’s 2040 took three awards.
Director Will Ryder went home with several awards for his many projects (including Not the Cosbys and Flight Attendants), Sasha Grey went home with a Best Oral award for Throat: A Cautionary Tale, and Kagney Linn Karter snagged Best New Starlet.

For those of us not up for big awards (Best Porn Periodical, anyone? Maybe next year?), the weekend was still packed full of insanity, booze, drugs, and sex… Well, maybe not so much sex, but at least its accoutrements. Check out all the WHACK!-y, wild bits of our jizz journalists’ exploits at Sins in the City! — Miss Lagsalot

| December 21, 2009 | 5:07 am

Wicked Pictures is fighting the good fight. As the only major adult studio to feature exclusively condom-mandatory scenes (while still raking in cash and putting out high quality stroke material), Wicked still recognizes the importance of freedom to not use condoms, and they’re doing something about it. As mentioned in an AVN article early last week, Wicked is sending its VP of Special Projects, industry big-wig Joy King, to Sacramento with the Free Speech Coalition to lobby California lawmakers against adopting condom-mandatory legislation for the state’s porn studios. To force all studios to use condoms in every scene, she’ll be arguing, would be to deal Porn Valley a death blow.

While we here at WHACK! agree that safe sex is fucking fantastic, and that every one of you jack masters out there reading this should practice it, we also agree with Wicked, King, and the FSC that banning bareback boning in fuck flicks would be wrong. It’d be great if everyone got a hard-on from watching plastic-wrapped wangs, but the truth is that they don’t. And they probably won’t anytime soon.

What this comes down to is yet another fight between idealism and practicality being brought to the level of legislation rather than common sense, industry know-how, or even judicial rulings–any of which might make more sense. I’ve had quite a brouhaha going on in my own porn-polluted noggin on this subject for a while now. On the one hand, sure, it would be great if everyone involved in the making of sexually explicit adult entertainment started practicing safe sex with condoms, and for it to continue making money for everyone in the industry while still tantalizing its tadger-tugging consumers. But in order for that to happen, a sea change would have to take place in the way those consumers view safe sex itself, and adult entertainment, to boot. The image of safe sex as less exciting and more PC would have to be done away with and replaced with a humanitarian desire to see everyone involved treated with the utmost in respect and humanity. Furthermore, the idea of pornography as “fantasy” world in which the risk of STI’s does not exist would have to be dropped in place of a more responsible and realistic outlook.

Sure, I agree that it would be great if all these progressive things happened and everyone started having condom-mandatory orgies and jerking off to shrink-wrapped dicks and fantasizing about safe sex. I’m an idealist. But I’m also a practical person, and I have to admit that it probably ain’t gonna happen. People really like that fantasy world I mentioned before. Consequence-free sex is the fondest dream of most of the human race and has been so for millennia. It’s only been in the past half-century that we’ve been able to see live action visions of our fornication fantasies, and we’re not about to give that up just yet. Even if California legislators try to make it happen. Unfortunately, something that government in this great nation has often failed to take into account, despite its democratic leanings, is that legislation and law enforcement do not a new popular point of view always make. When consumers want something and are willing to pay for it, our capitalist citizenry will always-—always—-find a way to sell it, whether it’s legal or not. Has anyone looked at the war on drugs lately? Not exactly a feather in the cap of legislators who hoped that by putting them into ink, their sunshiny, unrealistic ideals would become popular opinion. People still love weed, and they still get weed. Making it illegal didn’t change shit.

Similarly, if California legislators want to put AIDS awareness groups’ ideals and a trumped-up sense of morality into their legal code, that does not mean that porn consumers will follow suit and decide that condom-mandatory sex is what they want to see. Idealism and practicality only mix occasionally, and even then, the mixture tends to be more of an oil-on-water proposition, and as sexy as that might sound, the porn industry has always sided with practicality. What people often forget is that the adult entertainment industry is called an industry for a reason. There is a lot of money to be made, or lost, on sex. Getting all humanitarian and PC all over its ass is not going to keep it in business if it’s forced to put condoms that nobody wants to see on its performers, and much as those condoms might protect individuals, they might kill the industry. As Alexandre Padilla put it in an article on “Not-So-Safe Sex” on Forbes.com, “Good intentions do not guarantee good results.” There is a far greater possibility that more consumers will turn to underground, less-safely made porn featuring less professional, underpaid talent. Or that the big porn studios will just leave California, a move that those idealistic legislators might soon find themselves mourning, along with the revenue it took with it.

And furthermore, despite the big HIV scare earlier this year from the AIM Healthcare test that came back positive, legislators and Cal-OSHA seem bound and determined to forget that the adult industry is actually doing a phenomenal job of testing and keeping itself clean. They want to overlook the fact that the HIV scare was just that—a scare. The one and only performer who tested positive did not spread her infection to any others, and it turns out that infection was apparently obtained outside the industry. Whereas, according to Padilla, only 10% of the regular population knows its HIV status, almost every working adult performer is tested monthly at the AIM Healthcare Clinic using some of the best testing methods available. In its eleven-plus years of operation, only four HIV cases have been caught that came from inside the industry, and those were immediately quarantined and contained. The adult industry has been covering its ass just fine.

Furthermore, if the legislation in question were to pass into law, adult production companies would have to officially bring performers on as employees rather than private contractors, which would put them under Cal-OSHA’s anti-discrimination law stating that employees may not be discriminated against based on HIV status. This would eliminate AIM tests as a condition of employment, thereby actually putting performer at greater risk of HIV infection if a condom slipped or broke on set.

Of course I’m sure that deep down in their blackened, hardened, hell-bound hearts, adult entertainment workers appreciate that people want to look out for their welfare. But in porn, independent decision-making is a highly prized, often highly rewarded, attribute. People in smut tend to be able to look out for themselves and pride themselves on that ability. Taking away their right to choose won’t necessarily help anything. No word as of our publication date as to how this lobbying effort went, but at the moment I’m throwing in my jizz-rag and vote with Wicked, the FSC, and the big porn studios. – Miss Lagsalot

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