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| July 31, 2015 | 7:35 pm
Photo by  Shane Velazquez

Photo by Shane Velazquez

I’m not going to tell you in my own words why you need to read the interview I did with Arrie Davidson, aka Faux Pas le Fae, about her new show, “No Safe Word,” debuting tomorrow night at Dixon Place. The show is a sort of movement-based performance that is Arrie processing her experiences as a professional kink worker, and… I’ll let her tell you why this interview, and this show, are worth your time:

“For clients, there’s a safe word. There’s something you say if the scene has gone too far, beyond a comfort level you can deal with, and it’s not a word you want a client to say–you don’t want to push them there–but it’s like, “That’s it.” And, you know, the monologue is about how basically, for my family, I am red. When I told them who I was, they basically said, “Well, if you don’t want to play the role prescribed to you, as the son, then you’re not welcome. You can’t play in the family scene anymore. Too much. Red. Go away.” So, basically, I embody the safe word. That’s how I feel.”

That’s just the tip of this incredible iceberg. Please. Please go read the rest of the interview. It’s at Luna Luna. is profound.

That is all.

Oh, except, if you’re in New York and you’re free tomorrow (August 1) at 10:00 p.m… GO SEE NO SAFE WORD.

| July 23, 2015 | 8:32 pm

I am really, really excited to tell you that a new poem of my very own has been published over at the Doctor T.J. Eckleburg Review! I’m a big fan of the Review, so I was incredibly honored when they showed interest in my work!

It’s another of my Audrey Munson poems, and it’s somber and sad and, you know, a poem.

And check this out–the Review has this fantastic feature continue →

| July 20, 2015 | 5:54 pm

(That pupil oughtta be more dilated but whatevs. I found it on The Guardian.)

I’ve been doing a lot of research reading on subjects relating to human desire and its expression in online activity… for a big upcoming project (probably, still waiting on some signatures). And a question that I’m not sure has actually been posed to the public at large, or to research subjects, keeps coming up in my mind. Namely, people’s preferences in porn-viewing format and how that relates to their experience of arousal while watching pornography.

So here’s my question. PLEASE ANSWER IT if you can, either in the comments below, on my FB page, via Direct Message on FB or Twitter, or by direct e-mail (misslagsalot @ gmail):

Do you tend to consume porn in full scenes and/or films, or in shorter bits like clips and/or gifs? Do you choose your preferred format because you enjoy seeing a scene unfold and imagining yourself as part of it, or because you are more turned on by the visual cues? Fantasy, or visuals? Or something else entirely?

I’m serious. Please answer this. I promise to keep all info anonymous if I ever write about this. I’m just dying to know about people’s feelings and motivations, and I’m not exactly set up to run a real science-y study here. HELP ME WITH ANECDOTES, PEOPLE! Tell me all yer secretz.

| July 13, 2015 | 4:30 pm

My latest advice column is alive and kicking over at Luna Luna! This month I tackled a question from a letter writer who’s overcoming self-esteem issues, working on self-medication problems, and trying to get back into her sexy mojo. I encouraged self-examination, self-pleasure, and Ilana Glazer. Cause duh.

A niblet:

It’s everyday life, after all, in which we engage in our rituals of guilt, shame, fear, self-medication, and recovery. It’s the little mantras we repeat on our daily commutes that inform the rest of our days, and the coping mechanisms we resort to every night that lead into how we sleep. The little things add up. So I think the most important thing for you to do now that you’re moving toward recovery is to find the practical roots and reasons behind some of the things that bother you, and take practical actions to help yourself break those patterns.

Read the rest at Luna Luna!

| July 10, 2015 | 3:52 pm

I’m totally fascinated by the advent of Netflix as a creative force in our entertainment world. Free from the strictures of network sensibilities, most broadcast regulations, and standardized ratings systems, and even free from the scheduling strictures that dictate HBO and its ilk, Netflix has unprecedented freedom to fund what they want, film what they wish, license what they feel like, and show the world what pleases them. Capable of making deals with media titans and independent filmmakers alike, Netflix can basically operate according to its own, very new, set of rules on an unprecedented scale and get whatever it feels like to a worldwide audience. It’s astounding.

And suddenly, in one place, I’ve realized that I can watch a wealth of documentaries, films, and television series that deal blatantly and often unflinchingly with issues of sexuality, sexual identity, gender expression, and even pornography. So I’ve been watching some of it. On Netflix. And it’s been real. continue →

| June 30, 2015 | 7:38 pm

Luna Luna Magazine, a diary of culture, literature, sex, and magic, made for and by darklings, is looking for writers and submissions!

I write a monthly-ish sex advice column for Luna Luna, as well as the occasional op-ed and interview, and I sometimes curate and edit others’ work for them, as well. Luna Luna is unfortunately, at the moment, a non-paying market, but it’s a fantastic community of creative, talented, intelligent, loving, supportive people that I enjoy being a part of. Also sexy. They’re very sexy.

Are you interesting? Articulate? Hopefully of a feminist mindset? Interested in being smart and thoughtful? Check it out! I’m reblogging guidelines and info below: continue →

| June 25, 2015 | 8:41 pm

Watch the video at this link.

I won’t post it here. So watch it over there. It’s mostly SFW.


Ok, now, sit there for a few minutes and let your brain try to grapple with what you just saw and heard.

First, let’s get past the “blowjob machine” thing. Yes, those are things. They exist. Oral sex simulators have been around for a while, in formats ranging from the simple masturbation sleeve to high-powered, motorized, vibrating, interactive robotic jerk-off devices. They’re quite popular, and I think they’re grand because people with penises deserve as much variety in their sex toys as people without penises. Hooray for orgasms! Three cheers for sex toys! Huzzah! continue →

| June 16, 2015 | 3:42 pm
Audrey was the model for "Mourning Victory" by Daniel Chester French -- Photo by Jayel Draco

Audrey was the model for “Mourning Victory” by Daniel Chester French — Photo by Jayel Draco

I am excited yet terrified to tell you that two of my poems about Audrey Munson have just been published over at Thirteen Myna Birds.

I basically spent all of 2014 writing poems about Audrey, immersing myself in her story, the art in which she still lives, daydreams about her life and the world in which she lived, noting the ways in which my world is still hers, marveling over how she helped to build them both. (Don’t know about her? Here’s some more info. Read it all because it is important and tragic and wonderful.) 

These two poems just published are, as a result of sort-of living in Audrey’s skin for a year, very personal. I am thrilled that they’re out in the world, alongside gorgeous, creepy, fecund, candle-lit, wonderful works by Matthew J. Hall, Jennifer Hanks, and Ellie White. I am also quaking in my boots. Showing these poems to people feels somewhat akin to showing up naked to a reading… although probably naked with my best shoes on… and maybe a really badass necklace.

Anyway. Please go read them! And… be gentle?

| June 12, 2015 | 6:40 pm
Have a heart! Give a buck!

Have a heart! Give a buck!

Ever have that “It’s Friday and I just got paid and I want to donate to some worthy causes” feeling? I bet you do. Based upon your internet reading habits, you are clearly a person of discerning taste, intelligence, and all-around classiness, so I’m willing to bet you are a generous and loving soul, to boot.

There are a few causes dear to my heart that I’d like to share with you, to aid you in lightening your purse (all that cash weighs you down in this oppressive summer heat, amirite?) and easing your conscience! All are worth your dollars, and each is worth a social-media boost, at least! continue →

| June 10, 2015 | 1:19 pm


A new installment of my “Luna Luna Love + Lust” column has arrived!

This time I talk to two letter writers who are trying to get back in touch with their sensual sides, one of whom “loses interest” in dirty deeds, and another who, after a lifetime of sexual violence, manipulation, fear, and shame, has rediscovered her wild side through erotic literature and has a volley of questions about squirting, gay porn, and how much masturbation is too much. continue →

| June 4, 2015 | 6:05 pm

I donated to Shine Louise Houston’s IndieGoGo campaign to fund her first-ever independent feature film (with hot queer sex in it, obvs) “Snapshot,” and CHECK THIS OUT!

Shine Louise Houston talking TO ME!

Shine Louise Houston talking TO ME!


I am now indisputably the coolest person you know. That’s the Crash Pad slate. Holy sexy moly.

Other perks? If you donate $20, Jiz Lee will write your name on their belly and take a photo. YES YOU WANT YOUR NAME ON THOSE ABS. I’m considering donating $20 more dollars just to get that.

Anyway, I’m cool. Go donate.

(PS – No, there’s no “d” in my name. But she got the “y”s right, and most people don’t get that far. I’ll take it!)

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