Speaking of sexy history, have you guys heard that Larry Flynt signed a book deal to co-write One Nation Under Sex, a look at American Presidents’ sexual escapades from our founding fathers up to today? I don’t know what the fuck Maxxx Peters is talking about with history being an unsexy subject. When you think about it in the right context, that shit could be fuckin’ hot. That context, of course, being extremely powerful, charismatic, PRESIDENTIAL men wielding their earth-shaking wangs to full effect. The leaders of the goddamn FREE world probably had some kinky ass shit going on behind closed Oval Office doors.
Think of the hotness of having that kind of power, that kind of hot-ass wig, that can get you any wayward wench you want back in Revolutionary days. We already know Jefferson got what he wanted–motherfucker was the rock star of his day, writing up the Declaration of Motherfuckin’ Independence while banging broads, becoming President, signing bills into law and all that… Hell he must’ve bent some bitches over in the stables and had his way with them in haypiles, got it on over late-night vetoes, dipped his quill in some icky ink… All this, and dude was a ginger! That says something.
And move it forward a few years. For all we know, maybe Millard Fillmore got that nickname as a kid for filling up more mistreses than us poor losers could shake our sticks at! James Garfield could’ve been known for plowing his servant’s fields in the Lincoln Bedroom! And we all KNOW Teddy Roosevelt had to have some hot, moustachio-ed and monacle-d action going on during his daring feats of fucking bravery. Hell, I don’t even need to mention JFK or our favorite fuck fiend, William Jefferson Clinton. Mack daddies, to a man.
I mean, maybe I’m in the minority here–what with being a woman and all–but, I’m pretty sure history is hot. And I’m definitely looking forward to what the dirty brain of Mr. Flynt, our foremost founding father in the filth department, will unleash upon our ideas about what made this country great–great sex.
–Miss Lagsalot
Of course LAG thinks history is sexy. Telling herself that lie is the only way she managed to get through eighth grade; all those after-hours handjobs in the library would have been way harder to pull off if she'd let herself stop and really think about the dusty old pervert whose johnson she was mauling for a passing grade.