The WHACK! crew has been curious about the swinging life here in NYC, and we came across the incomparable Hedo Online parties run by the insanely amazing Lola Bastinado! We think you all deserve to hear more about these sexy parties and the sexy woman behind them, so we caught up with Lola and asked a few questions…
WHACK! MAGAZINE Lola, yours may be a new name to a lot of our readers! Can you tell us just a little bit about yourself as an introduction to them?
LOLA BASTINADO Hmmm, in a nutshell: My name is Lola Bastinado. I’m a sex educator & sex advice columnist. My hub site is HedoOnline.com and I also own Miss Lola’s House. I’m the Creator and Executive Producer of the adult industry’s Sybarite Awards as well as a Playboy TV Host.
W! How did you get into working as a pro domme?
LB I was introduced into BDSM in 1994 by My girlfriend. It was a natural fit for Me. I love the Domme/Sub dynamic and love exploring. Honestly I began working as a Pro-Domme out of necessity when I was younger, as I was between jobs! Nowadays I still play on My own personal time, yet I am highly selective when I do decide to session. It’s a part of My diverse lifestyle and I’m fortunate to be at a point in My life where it is no longer a major means of income. While I do have a standard tribute required, My experience, reputation, and skill set allows Me to be selective.
W! Your website specifically mentions that you are not interested in sexual or romantic relationships with clients, nor do you do “happy endings” or sex work in your sessions. For our readers, who are mostly fans of adult entertainment, this may seem like a contradiction in terms. Can you tell us about your relationship with your clients? How and why the power exchange itself is the important part of your BDSM play?
LB There is no contradiction whatsoever. I am not a hooker and not an escort. When I session I am a Pro Domme. What I practice is old school power exchange. It has nothing to do with sexual relations at all. What the general ‘vanilla’ public fails to see is that the media has painted a picture of BDSM and kinksters as sexual deviants with odd taboos and fetishes. There are many levels to BDSM. The players have varying interests as well. It’s like saying that lesbians will sleep with any female — it’s purely absurd. A service sub requires a different ‘type’ of session than a ‘masochist.’ They are two different types of people.
Be mindful that what one views in ‘BDSM Porn’ is far different than sessioning with a real Domme. It’s porn. Big difference. Real Pro-Dommes practice power exchange, they are not Hookers with whips. Nor do they session with the intent of sex.
The relationship I cultivate with each client varies as everyone has different needs and comes to Me at different levels of experience. My goal regardless of experience and desired session is to respectfully and consensually define and push the boundaries of each submissive to have the most complete and enhancing session together.
As a responsible Dominant, it’s My duty to maintain the protocol of power exchange. It’s imperative so the submissive can naturally and smoothly drop into subspace and enjoy the complete release of his or her submission.
W! What are some of your specialties as a dom?
LB I enjoy a wide variety of play. I enjoy sensory play, corporal, contact. I love My service subs and naturally bastinado. I’m a sadist so a true pain slut always tickles My fancy. Mental play is My all-time favorite. Yet it all depends on the players involved.
W! Do you ever switch and act as a sub?
LB No. When I first entered BDSM I tried to switch to see what it felt like. It didn’t work for Me. In life we all naturally fall into either an alpha or beta role, society and life experience helps mold how we use those roles everyday. I will however be a sensation bottom to experience what a certain implement or play may feel like. Yet only with My best friend, Lady Jessica Sovereign, and honestly that has only happened once! I know My place in BDSM and I regally take the Dominate role!
W! Do you enjoy BDSM and kink entertainment?
LB Absolutely! I love Kink.com and their Upper Floor and videos. Yet I also have a clear distinction between BDSM porn entertainment versus real-life BDSM play and being a Lifestyler.
W! Speaking of entertainment, you are known around New York as the woman behind HedoOnline and its many parties. Please tell us about that!
LB HedoOnline is My hub site. I work for a variety of media. Radio, television, websites, and magazines. My husband was the genius behind HedoOnline. We launched it five years ago so My readers could easily find Me. The soirees we throw are non-profit events for My readers. With the ability to work and freelance for a variety of entities I have a large spectrum of readers. Kinksters, wwingers, lesbian, bisexual, gay and general market adult entertainment. The events I throw are reflective of that and cater to the open minded alternative adult.
W! So would you say that the swing scene is where you “get your rocks off” in a sexual capacity?
LB I’d say it is if you’re a swinger! If not…then No.
W! Do you swing in your private life?
LB Yes, I have.
W! How did you come to run Hedo parties and move into a leadership role in the swinging community?
LB Well since I own HedoOnline, it kind of puts Me in charge! As far as a leadership role in the swing community, I believe it’s simply because of the various entities I’ve worked and written for in the past. Penthouse, Penthouse Variations, AdultFriendFinder.com, etc. I’m rather open when it comes to My personal experiences in swing, which I find readers appreciate. When you have the ability to connect with your audience you form a bond that exceeds just being a ‘talking head’!
W! Many people I’ve spoken to have a very set, often negative, preconceived notion about swingers. What can you say to the 
readers about the realities of swinging?
LB I would tell them they would be surprised who is a swinger. I’ve met community leaders, politicians, teachers, policemen, even ministers who swing. Honestly it’s the ‘label’ that turns people off. I did a radio show once when a woman called up for advice and started: “I’m not a swinger but my husband and I do have sex with our neighbors.” Um, breaking news, chick… in the realm of ‘labels’ you are indeed a swinger. Tomato, toe-mah-toe. Either way you slice it… it’s the same thing. If you are not monogamous and have FMF threesomes, you are still considered a swinger. Swinging is simply extra-curricular sex devoid of emotional attachment. Just like with BDSM, the media has painted a picture that swingers are debaucherous hedonists that will shag everything. WRONG. Swingers are everyday people. Sure, some are weekend warriors and will jump into any puppy pile, but not all. Most are rather picky and simply enjoy the camaraderie of being in a social environment of like-minded adults.
W! Would you say that the swinging crowd in New York, particularly at your parties, is different from elsewhere in the country?
LB I’ve found that in New York the ‘swing scene’ skews younger 21-45. Like any genre, there are different types of swingers and different types of parties to cater to them.
W! What can a person who’s curious but used to more conventional sexy entertainment (ahem: porn) get out of a Hedo party?
LB Entertainment. Plain and simple. The lascivious landscape I create is meticulously orchestrated with an intensely erotic overtone. There’s a variety of erotic installations for guests to enjoy. From burlesque to salacious flogging scenes, it’s truly a visual orgy for the eyes. Think of being in a regular night club — thumping music. Sexy people with just a lot of yummy visuals to watch.
W! Can you tell us a little bit about the Sybarite Awards?
LB The Sybarite Awards is the Adult Industry’s acknowledgement of the Swing Genre. I started The Sybarites to bridge the gap between the business and consumer. The Swing Genre is highly lucrative and yet the most unrecognized. Annually the voting for the Sybarites opens every September, allowing readers to nominate their favorite businesses and brands. The following April we hold the awards ceremony to acknowledge those entities who received the most votes reflecting who was voted the people’s choice. The event is a wonderful way for these companies to meet their patrons and begin a brand-building relationship that results in loyal patronage.
W! When will the next awards be?
LB The next Sybarite Awards will be held Saturday April 16th in NYC. For details and to be added to the guest list visit: http://hedoonline.com/hedo%20html/11%20SAEB.htm
W! You also write an advice column, which I find interesting. How did you get that started?
LB Many *ahem *moons ago, I was a ghost writer for various columnists. As I got more and more freelance jobs, editors found that not only did I have a knack for writing in ‘the voice’ of various columnists, but they saw that readers enjoyed when I wrote as ‘Me.’ From there it kind of took off. I have a more comedic and realistic approach versus too clinical, so for some it’s a bit more palatable. For some…not all!
W! How do you decide which questions to answer?
LB Actually I answer them all, unless they ask the same thing over and over. Daily I get the: “How do I get my girlfriend to have a threesome?” At that point I just refer them to: See this response (click here)!
W! Do you ever get really strange questions? If so, do you want to answer them more or less than others? Any examples?
LB Oh, I get strange questions all the time. Sure I still answer them all. My theory is, if they’re asking… there’s a reason. Although I always pose the disclaimer: “You may not like My answer.” The oddest question I received was when a reader wanted to know if I would participate in vomit play. He wanted to dress as an infant, have Me push him to an outdoor café, eat, then vomit on him!
W! And last but not least, you host a Playboy TV show! Tell us about that!
LB Actually I don’t host My own show on Playboy TV. I’m one of their on-air Sex Educators, so I talk dirty and showcase various novelty lines for them. I’ve filmed for the Foursomes etc. Although, keep an eye out for My new television show coming out: Miss Lola’s House. We are SUPER excited about this project as it’s being produced by John Stavros, the mastermind behind Playboy TV’s Night Calls and 9 ½ Weeks! We go into production soon and we’re thrilled!
W! So, wait, do you actually have any free time for fun?
LB Free time? Hell no! But My job is fun and I LOVE what I do so it’s a win-win.
W! What do you do for fun, given that it sounds like your life already is so fun?
LB I enjoy laid-back casual time with family and friends. I love to laugh, so as long as I’m in good company I’m a happy girl.
W! Do you have any big events coming up we can direct readers to?
LB Ah, of course. Coming up after the Sybarite Awards I’m sponsoring and doing a five-day appearance in Cancun with Kasidie.com, Desirous Party & Elite Party. Then in May I’ll be doing an appearance for Brazen Media in NYC May 7, Exxxotica in Miami weekend of May 22, July in LA for Urban X Awards — when I’m there I’ll make My rounds to Dr. Suzy’s and Playboy-Spice Radio. In NYC this summer, we have our annual Brazilian Body Fest in July, Aqua Erotica in the Hamptons in August, and I’ll be hosting several nude beach days at Robert Moses and Sandy Hook. Just check http://www.HedoOnline.com for updates as well as My twitter: @LolaHedoOnline.
W! And, hey, why not? Let’s link to all your websites!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Real-Lola-Bastinado/193782583992800
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002248154764
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002259315108
—Interview conducted by staph sadist, Miss Lagsalot.
Lola ROCKS! xo
I love her. I saw Miss Lola in LA. She was doing an interview at an outdoor cafe during lunch time and I was waiting to speak to her. She stopped the interview to acknowledge and talk to me and I thought that was so nice. Even took a picture with me and my boyfriend. Shes so funny on Playboy. Great article.
sexi kinky funny and smart. Lola is a perfect package.
What a great interview, I gotta go to the Sybarite awards- Oh wait, I will be there with not very many clothes doing whatever Mistress Lola tells me too 😉
I love this woman.
I actually attended the awards and had a BLAST. I love MLB and can’t wait till the next one
hi!!!