TAXI — “I want to spend all day thinking about it, with no pants on.”

TAXI
Series produced by JuicyPinkBox.com

Directed by Marie Angel

STARRING
Syd Blakovich, Justine Joli, Madison Young, Jiz Lee, Dallas Fivestar, Billie Sweet, Dylan Ryan, Nic Switch, Theodore Shebang, Sir Sterling, Zoe, Jett Blue

Hm.

I don’t know how to get started on this review because I’m trying to process a lot of “real thoughts” that are having trouble making it through the overlying haze of “very horny” thoughts, and it’s all getting very jumbled up in my head. I just finished watching eleven episodes of the online lesbian sex series Taxi on JuicyPinkBox.com. That’s a whole lotta hot lady loving, and I’m still very turned on by all of it. But my brain is also trying to get some of its ideas into this review. It’s all quite confusing. I should probably just go rub one out and then come back to this, but the thing is that Taxi is the kind of porn that makes me want to spend a really nice, long, drawn-out afternoon alone with my vibrator. So rather than jerking out a quick one to get my mind back on track, I want to write this review really quick so I can go back to fantasizing and fapping, at length. I want to spend all day thinking about it, with no pants on.

That’s the thing about Taxi and everything else filmed by JuicyPinkBox: the sex is hot, and the performers are beautiful in myriad ways ranging across several ethnicities and many shades of the butch/femme/gender-queer spectrum, but the real hotness of these scenes is in the atmosphere. The premise is different in each short scene (they range from around seven to eleven minutes each), but all of them take place in the back of a New York City taxi cab. While I know that the cab was purchased specifically for the porn shoot, and while I’m pretty sure it wasn’t actually moving during filming, and while I know from experience that you could never get away with performing a lesbian double penetration or smoking a blunt in the backseat of a real NYC taxi without getting kicked out or arrested, the idea of getting head from a delicious dyke in suspenders while speeding down FDR drive is making my head spin with desire. The fantasy in, say, Episode Three: Trio, where butch Jett Bleu and femme Billie Sweet, a sexy lesbian couple, have a hot threesome with their friend Theodore Shebang in the back of a cab, or in Episode Five: Cheat, where the rich, country-club snob played by Jiz Lee gets fucked mercilessly by the trampy Dallas Fivestar… it’s so far removed from the bright lights and HD penetration of your typical porn venture that I’m turned on in a way that such a seasoned degenerate as myself rarely can achieve by watching porn, and it’s really amazing. I’ve gotten accustomed to watching the most gratuitous close-ups of genitals, the most maudlin acts of immorality, the most hardcore humping that cameras can capture. I can sit through four-hour gonzo compilations and feel just a faint tingle down there. It’s all just more porn to me. But Taxi has gotten my fantasy brain all riled up.

Filming a threesome in the confines of a four-door sedan puts a lot of limitations on just how much light, explicit close-ups, and hardcore action are possible to capture on film. To get around these limitations, Telmo Savant, JuicyPinkBox’s director of photography, got creative. Rather than focusing on the genital contact like most porn directors do, he spent his time focusing on the curves of the women’s bodies writhing in ecstasy, on their eyelids fluttering, on the movements of one woman’s head as she ate the pussy of the other, on the way the simulated street light came through the raindrops on the window. It’s really beautiful to watch, and sensual in a way that most hardcore can never be because there is nothing left to the imagination.

Whereas I can stare at a close-up of anal penetration for twenty minutes and hardly bat an eye these days, the breathless shadowy spaces between performers’ bodies in Taxi has me imagining inserting myself in them. Or doing the same things to a beautiful stranger that Sid Sterling did to Zoe in Episode Ten: Tumble, or the things Dylan Ryan did to herself in Episode Six: Safety. (Well… ok, maybe not. Girl gets herself off by rubbing up against a seat belt, which is kinda weird/kinda hot, but dude, in a real cab… Who knows what other things have been rubbed against and spilled on that seat belt!) And ruminating on how there can really be nothing hotter in the world than watching a woman throwing her hair back over her shoulder so she can dive into another woman’s crotch with uninhibited enthusiasm.

I mean, we all know at this point that I’m a sucker for a good lesbian scene—I go nuts every time I see one and rave about it in my reviews. But Taxi did a number not just on my naughty bits: it got my brain involved in the equation, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s a whole other level of hot. I really recommend trying it out yourself, if you’re like me and have gotten bored with ho-hum, every-day, run-of-the-mill hardcore porn, or if you like watching lesbian sex as much as I do, or if you’re into artistic and atmospheric porn that makes you work for it. Or, you know, if you’ve got a libido at all. Taxi and other material is available at JuicyPinkBox.com for a $5 three-day trial, or $25 a month, and I’d say it’s worth every juicy penny.

Ok. I’m done. I’m going to lock myself in my bedroom now. Be back in… like… three days.
–Miss Lagsalot