THE PORN STAR GUIDE TO GREAT SEX
By Mr. Marcus
St. Martin’s Press, New York
I’ll admit, I’m biased. I think Mr. Marcus is great. He was the first porn star I ever interviewed, and I found him interesting, intelligent, well-spoken, and extremely thoughtful. When I met him and spoke to him in person, I was impressed that he listened intently, took his time to form answers to my questions, and didn’t bother hiding the fact that he was checking me out. He’s as confident as they come, but that doesn’t make him cocky. Mr. Marcus is well aware of his prowess in bed, but he focuses his attention on treating a woman with respect and a kind of awe—he loves women, and he loves making them feel good, be that by making them come ten times on camera, or by looking deep into their eyes and really listening when they talk. A man so confident and yet calm is a rare find, and I have to admit I was drawn to him in a way that I didn’t expect. He’s now taken his years and volumes of experience, and literally written the book on being a good lover: The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex is available today in book stores across the country, and online.
One of the most interesting things about Mr. Marcus’s book, aside from the in-depth tips and tactics for everything from oral sex to anal sex to aphrodisiac cooking to bondage play to working out, is that coming from a man who’s made his living for the past few decades having sex with different women almost every day, the book is geared solidly toward relationships. Rather than spending his time advising men like himself on how to pick up multitudinous pussy, bed it, and move on, as one might expect from a guy who’s slept with as many women as he has, Mr. Marcus dispenses tips on how to get and keep a good woman (or man), in a tone that might surprise fans of his more hardcore scenes. He focuses just as much, if not more, on the internal roots of a good external sex life: confidence, understanding of one’s self, and a sense of humor are essential to having good sex. When I spoke to him about the book on the phone, he was pleased to hear I’d liked the parts about the emotional aspect of good sex. “I don’t think you can have good sex,” he said, “until you’ve established a good relationship or understanding of the other person, and yourself. You have to be be secure in who you are and willing to compromise, try new things, not be afraid to laugh at yourself.”
Couldn’t agree more, Mr. Marcus.
In the book, he talks at length about how important it is to find something sexy about your partner, whether that’s their body, their smile, or their sense of humor. He offers tips on how to keep an old relationship fresh with fun bedroom games and sexy breathing exercises. He tells stories from his own life to illustrate how every person is beautiful and sexy in his or her own way. And, get this! He promotes masturbation! Mr. Marcus devotes an entire chapter to masturbation for men and women, encouraging readers to use self-love for fun, but also for practice on the road to becoming a better lover by understanding one’s own body and desires better. He’s all about honest, open communication and reciprocation as the keys to a successful sex life: “It’s the balance of oral sex that can lead to a healthy sexual relationship.”
I really enjoyed reading The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex because Mr. Marcus kept surprising me with what he considered important. It’s kind of entrancing, and in the end I think I’d recommend his book just as much for women who are trying to find their own sexual style or spice up their sex lives as I would for men who are wondering how to perform a successful “shocker.” This guy is like every woman’s dream come true, and if you take his tips to heart, you will be too, gents. And ladies, there are plenty of tips in there for you, too.
Of course, I have to put a small caveat on that recommendation to women: beware going into this book without understanding a little about Mr. Marcus first. As I was reading the chapters on “What Men Want” and “What Women Want,” I found myself cringing at the thought of a less porn-drenched, more tight-assed feminist than myself reading this book. Not because I think Mr. Marcus doesn’t value women as people—as I’ve mentioned above, I think he is absolutely in awe of women—but because most of his adult life has been spent as a porn performer. This man’s professional life is completely intertwined with sex, sensuality, and eroticism in a way that most of ours will never be. The people he interacts with on any given day are a mix of businesspeople and professional sex performers. His greatest attributes are his understanding of what people want sexually and knowing how to give it to them (oh, and his huge cock, too). When he’s done fucking on camera, he probably goes home to fuck in private.
And while this makes him exactly the kind of person who should be writing a book on how to have a more fulfilling sex life, it leaves him open to attack and criticism from other sides. I can only imagine what would happen if the ladies at Jezebel got a copy of this book. Lines like, “Remember, cooking for your man is also an opportunity to learn more about what he enjoys and how to make him happy,” might make perfect sense and be for all intents and purposes true, but that doesn’t make it PC. “Stay one step ahead of his desires, giving him what he needs, even before he knows he needs it,” is a tip that nobody could really argue with on the one hand—if you can do that, you’ll pretty much be the best lover on the planet, hands down. But on the other hand, it sounds a little… um… 1950’s if it’s read wrong. Mr. Marcus spends a lot of time talking about how it’s important for a woman to look sexy, groom her “pretty pussy” (I like that phrase, personally), and try to make a good impression in the kitchen, and that can be taken all kinds of wrong by the wrong people.
But, on the same page on which he discusses liking cute asses in short skirts, he also asserts that, “No matter how much you may want to be the woman your man wants you to be, it’s vital to stay to true to yourself. To make him happy without losing yourself or feeling less than whole…” And no matter how much you might want to lambast a guy who’s spent his life fucking on film for being a womanizing jerk, or even if you just bought the book to learn how to give good head, you can’t argue with a line like that. Mr. Marcus knows what’s up with sex, yeah, but he knows what’s good for a relationship, too, and he’s got a lot of advice to offer in both departments.
I’d say, whether you’re looking for love and want to learn how to find it, or trying to learn how to eat a woman out more effectively, or wondering what kind of sex toys are best for anal play, or hoping to spice up an old relationship, The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex has got what you need, and probably much more. —Miss Lagsalot