We like to think that WHACK! pumps out pretty outstanding perversion on a weekly basis, but we’ve looked back through the past year’s Ribald Reviews segment and realized that plenty of it is just crap. Here’s the best of what’s not!
FUNNIEST NOT-QUITE-RACIST HEADLINE PULL-QUOTE
Jack Hoff, SEXUAL BLACKTIVITY 2 — “Delivers in spades.”
MOST MISOGYNIST HEADLINE PULL-QUOTE
Maxxx Peters: POUND THE ROUND 6 — “There’s more to women than plump cheeks; they make wonderful cooks.”
MOST PRETENTIOUS HEADLINE PULL-QUOTE
Miss Lagsalot, CALIGULA — “Two hours of what is clearly, really, and truly, pure filth parading around as legitimate cinema.”
MOST THOROUGHLY ENJOYED FILM WATCHED BY WHACK STAFF IN 2010
BATMAN XXX, Vivid. According to Maxxx Peters: “I pretty much always give movies good reviews (Have you noticed that? Are you paying attention? Spend money!), but I really did enjoy this film. I watched, I laughed, I came, I laughed some more, I ate popcorn, I came again and got some on the popcorn and laughed about that. Good times. […] The movie is brilliantly cast; Dale Dabone as Batman, James Deen as Robin (they had an opportunity with Robin to cast Kurt Lockwood, reaching across the orientation gap and marketing this movie to the entire porn audience, potentially making Vivid a lot of money; I’m glad they chose to stick to the straight and narrow), Lexi Belle as a very enthusiastic Batgirl. Evan Stone is as ridiculous and funny as I expected him to be as the Riddler, and Randy Spears’ Joker is brilliant. Honestly, I mean that. Randy Spears complicates the already tired and annoying debate over whether Nicholson or Ledger made a better Joker.”
MOST RIDONKULOUSLY RIBALD FILM REVIEWED IN 2010
THIS ISN’T MAX HARDCORE, Debi Diamond Films, starring Kristina Rose. Says Miss Lagsalot calls it “a wild romp in which Kristina skull fucks Max with her toes, berates him verbally, slaps his ass and thighs until they’re cherry red, squeezes his dick till it turns purple, smothers him with her ass, and shoves a variety of digits (hint: I means hands and feet), toys, and plugs in his “butt-butt,” before riding him off, pony-style, into the sunset wearing his cowboy hat. … The scene is about halfway between a funny femdom scene, with Kristina playing an adorably spoiled brat with a sick streak, and a fictional filming of Max Hardcore’s comeuppance at the hands of one of the women he violated in different — and according to the court system, obscene — ways. It’s not particularly sexy to watch unless you’re into femdom, which I’m not, but it’s still weirdly fun.”