An Overthought Personal Dissection of Fetishes

So I’ve been doing a lot of research on some fetish performers, and last night I had a kind of epiphany. The ideas behind many fetishes make sense to me on some level, but many more do not. I mean, sure having your toes sucked on can feel nice, but why would you want to suck ON someone else’s toes? It just doesn’t do it for me. Same with pies in the face, stepping on fruit, and sitting on glass-topped tables while smooshing food with your butt. These acts just don’t scream “sexy” to me. Leather and whips and chains? Ok, I can see how those work, but popping balloons? Not so much.

Since I’ve been more confused by a lot of these fetishes than excited, I’ve more or less stayed away from them. I don’t want to offend their enthusiasts or make an inaccurate statement about them in my writing, and since I don’t predict them getting me off in any way, I had no need to delve deeply into the worlds of furry lovers or hentai tentacle rape fetishists. But in researching a performer in a recent queer lesbian scene I enjoyed and reviewed, I learned that this performer has been involved in filming for almost all of the aforementioned fetishes. This performer (Dia Zerva, if I’m being specific), is a balls-to-the-wall performer who holds nothing back, either in her performances or in her interviews, and the more I read about her, the more I began to realize that at least for her, experimenting with fetishes and somewhat bizarre sexualized experiences isn’t a matter of needing a latex glove on a mannequin hand wielded by a gagged submissive puppy to get to orgasm. It’s a matter of the ride itself, the sensual experience itself.

Whereas for many people in this world, myself sometimes included, sexuality comprises a fairly narrow set of behaviors (making out, foreplay, sex, aaaaand done), for performers in the adult industry, other sex workers, and most fetishists, I think that sex and sexuality are simply composed of a broader range of sensations and ideas. While there might be nothing in watching a woman sit on a cake that can really get me off, I can certainly imagine the feeling of frosting between my butt cheeks, and you know… it’s something I’ve never experienced, but I bet it feels pretty cool. As for having my toes sucked on, as I mentioned before, it does feel good. It might not exactly get an orgasm out of me, but that’s the thing: sensual and sexual experiences don’t always have to. It’s the experience, the new sensation, the willingness to apply an erotic frame of mind to an otherwise not-erotic act, that can make fetishes work. (Sometimes, anyway. I realize that there’s a LOT more to it, but I’m new to this, so bear with me.)

Instead of looking at people who participate in foot worship and pie-throwing movies with confusion and disdain, I’m starting to look at them with respect. I don’t think I’m brave enough, or liberated enough with how I experience my sensuality, to masturbate while squishing raspberries with my toes and letting someone watch. I don’t think my brain is yet ready to incorporate the smell of latex glove powder into a sexual context. But just the idea that, if I were ready for these things, there would be a whole community full of people who bring more than just making out, foreplay, and sex into the equation of how to be sensual… that makes me feel good. There’s more to being a sexual creature than just getting boned or munching carpet, and the more I learn about the people who aren’t afraid to cross over into new sensations and let those sensations be a part of the turn-on, the more excited I am that maybe someday I’ll understand the breadth of their experiences.

So, Dia Zerva, I salute you. Let’s talk.

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