BUDAPEST: EPISODE 1
Run Time 139 minutes
LESBIANS Brandy Smile, Sandra Shine, Liza, Sophie Moone, Elexis Monroe, Lisa, Cindy Hope, Peaches
Supposedly there was a plot in this movie, involving a young, blonde, pussy-loving American named Elexis Monroe traveling to Hungary to research a story about the Hungarian Revolution in 1956. And I’m pretty sure there were some mentions of the Revolution in there, some snooping around trying to find maps in an art gallery (who knew art galleries held maps? I always thought libraries and museums catered more to that type of thing, but who knows what they do over in Hungary?). At least I think I heard the word “map” once or twice. Perhaps the plot will appear more comprehensibly in the second installment of the Budapest series.
And, while I’m pretty sure the promo material that came with Budapest: Episode 1 mentioned something about how the film would provide viewers with some of the scenery of one of the world’s most beautiful cities, I can’t claim to have seen a whole lot of that scenery. There were a few shots of scantily clad chicks walking around in unfamiliar streets, and one or two panoramic shots of the skyline, sure, but I didn’t feel like I was site-seeing so much.
What I was doing, and appreciating, in lieu of a discernable plot or cityscape, however, was admiring the truly breathtaking beauty of Budapest’s boobs. Hungarian lesbians, it would appear, are stunningly beautiful. Over in Hungary there’s not much of a porn scene as we know it here in the States, which gives their sex stars a very different look than what I’m used to: namely, their tits are real, their tans are natural, and their accents… are… so fucking hot, I could barely keep my pants on through the first scene! Their vodka-guzzling and Euro-trash outfits only add to the general theme of loose, lovely lesbians who are apparently just as Hungary for pussy as fake-boobed, bleached blonde American whores. (Hah! Ok, I know saying “Hungary for pussy” in a Hungarian lesbian flick was a cheap shot, but I had to take it, right? Wouldn’t you have been disappointed if you read through this whole review and I didn’t make a play on that phrase at least once? You know you would have.)
Sure, the sound quality is horrendous and the sets are abysmal, and sure, I’ve never seen a less-veiled excuse for a bunch of American pornographers to go spend some time in a country where sex laws and women are more relaxed. But even if the scenery is sparse and the sex sets lacking in luster, sometimes it’s worth it to deal with a loosely-thrown together movie if it means loose foreign women fondling each other on your TV. I’m not sure what was supposed to be going on in this movie as far as the “plot” goes, but I’m damn sure that all Hungarian women are slutty and love slit, so it was worth it this time around.