Links-a-doodle Monday: Condom Laws, Bacon Lube, Anal Tails, and James Franco

Hello there, friends. Today my brain is fried, and though I’d like to do an in-depth thought piece of what the recent condom legislation in the city of LA might do to the porn industry, instead I’ll say a few words, then turn you loose to enjoy some smooshy links. Sound good? Ok! Here we go:

1) This condom legislation thing. It’s been in the works for years, thanks to incessant whipping from the AIDS Healthcare Foundation’s Michael Weinstein, and I was getting to the point of thinking that LA just didn’t give enough of a crap about the porn industry to do anything about it, but lo! I was wrong (and so were most of the news sites that covered the story, like the one I just linked to on Gawker, which maintained that LA had shut down filming during HIV outbreaks: the “outbreaks” have been restricted to one person each, and LA didn’t shut down filming–the industry itself did, out of concern for its performers). A few weeks ago, while I was actually in LA collecting interviews, a statute (is that the right word? I never figured out the differences, if any, between statutes, laws, etc.) passed that will mandate the use of condoms on all licensed porn shoots in the city of Los Angeles.
This pisses me off. I see all sorts of possible negative results from this short-sighted law-making, such as more unlicensed and less-professional porn being made with less oversight and focus on testing, less focus on testing in general, major companies being forced to make products they don’t want to make, a flight from the safe haven of LA for filming and into territory where porn-making is neither legal nor safe, more arrests, more disease… Sure, it’d be fabulous if everyone wanted to see porn with condoms and if everyone in porn wanted to use condoms, but that just isn’t how things work. And I’m nervous.
But a few people I’ve talked to have pointed out that the vast majority of porn is already filmed without a license, even in LA. And while it sucks that, with this legislation, if someone is caught barebacking on un unlicensed shoot, they and their whole company will be put through the wringer for it… There’s not much chance that the cops are going to find many unlicensed shoots, which tend to happen in offices, private homes, and hotels. If the shoot going on is so massive that there are trailers, production crews, catering, etc en masse in some parking lot, then chances are that company can stand to shell out the money for the license and the condom fee, and deal with it. Wicked already shoots mostly condom scenes, and a few of the big parody companies can handle using condoms, too, since their audiences aren’t in it just for the barebacking, exactly.
So I guess the worst thing about this legislation that I can see at the moment is that damn fee. Supposedly, the city of LA will be able to afford to send in agents or somesuch to all licensed scenes to enforce the condom rule (I’d love to see how that plays out–will they provide men in lab coats to personally administer prophylactics? hilarity could well ensue) because they will collect fees from porn companies. Because, obviously, most porn companies have plenty of money to spend on giving the government control over their performers’ bodies. Actually… now that I think about it… maybe the most upsetting part of this legislation is that in arguably one of the most liberal cities in the country, the government has not just decided it has the right to tell people what to do with their bodies–it’s also decided that just because a well-funded activist group told it to. If this trend continues, we’ll be in Big Brother land in no time.
Oh, wait…

2) On a lighter note, let’s talk about Bacon Lube. When I first heard about this I thought surely it was a joke, but it appears not to be. I… I don’t quite know what to say. On the one hand, sure I love bacon. I’ve gone vegetarian several times in my life, and while I don’t find steaks and burgers very tempting, bacon has always done for me in the end. No matter how intensely vegetarian I’m feeling, a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato and bacon will always get my salivary glands working overtime. But my other glands? Not so much. Bacon is delicious and all, but I personally think the bacon craze has gone too far. Bacon-chocolate martinis? Bacon cupcakes? Bacon candy? And now bacon lube? I might want some fried pork fat with breakfast or on a sandwich or in a salad or even just by its greasy delicious self. But up in my hoo-hah? YUCK.
The commercial, however? Brilliant.

3) I’d heard rumors here and there about James Franco’s “porn project” at the armory in San Francisco, and I just caught the trailer for Cherry on Jiz Lee’s blog (they’re an extra in the movie! sweet!). It doesn’t look as interesting as I’d like it to be, but I’ll give it this: it appears to be a movie that’s actually treating the porn industry with some gravity instead of the “hurr-hurr,” elbow-jabbing joke or unrepentant pit of moral decay that it’s often depicted as in maisntream movies. If they managed to get the details right, this movie will get a huge seal of approval from yours truly!

4) I’m super-excited to be anticipating the arrival of my very own Crystal Delights anal plug with a freaking tail on it any day now! I’ve always wanted a plug with a tail because, seriously, how cool is that? I’ve already got a Crystal Delights plug with a giant shiny crystal on it, and now I get a furry one! But I just discovered–a bit late, cause I’m lazy–that the tail is made with real fur. That makes me a little creeped out. Like… Why not fake fur? I guess this is a luxury item and that’s why, but the idea of having a cute faux tail makes me way more psyched than the idea of part of a real animal hanging out of my rear… Going to ahve to do some research into where the fur is sourced from. I’ll report back soon!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.