SANATORIUM — “This is the Mulholland Drive of blue films, ladies and gents… hot damn is that lesbian scene hot!”

SANATORIUM

Zero Tolerance

Directed by Gary Orona

Runtime 131 minutes

STARRING
Tabitha Stevens, Sara Sloane, Kagney Linn Karter, Raylene, Francesca Le’, Ashley Roberts, Lux Kassidy, James Deen, Tyler Knight, Teddy ZigZag Ron Jeremy, Kris Slater, Mark Wood, Ethan Hawk, Steve Joyner, Dennis Hof, Matt Bianco, special guest appearance by High Pitch Eric

High concept art film + spooky ass visuals + atmospheric music + beautifully executed sex scenes + really fucking hot sex + a whole lot of fake boobs = Sanatorium.

I’m not sure what I expected from this movie. After watching some trailers and press teasers and the interview West Coast Whorespondent Stevie Valentine did with Tabitha Stevens and Kagney Linn Karter, I guess I thought… that this film would be exactly what it is, really. Perhaps a little full of itself, perhaps a little rambling and nonlinear, perhaps trying a little too hard, perhaps a little stuck on the weirder side of things, perhaps a little too concerned with being arty. But possessed of a damn good series of sensual — nay, erotic — nay, sexy sex scenes. I don’t say that often about a movie because I don’t often mean it. But I’m saying it now. I can’t complain.

I’m not sure that I followed the whole thing, as most of it was based in some kind of dream/hallucination/vision-quest land, and I’m not sure that the film really did what it set out to do insofar as outing the mainstream world as more fucked up than the porn world, since the bad guy in all this is Marcellus (Teddy ZigZag, aka Teddy Andreadis of Guns-N-Roses), Tabitha’s manager, and Tabitha’s worst experiences are at the hands of ruthless snuff and porn people. But I can say that it was intense all throughout. Very serious. And serious isn’t always good. People taking themselves seriously, especially in porn, can come across as pretentious, but this came across as… well, ok, a little pretentious.

But that’s not the point here. The point is that what I came away from Sanatorium with, aside from a few very good orgasms, was a very real appreciation for Tabitha Stevens as a performer. Every sex scene she did, and many of the non-sex scenes, to boot, were beautiful to watch. She moves with a purposeful eroticism, and everything from her handjobs to her highly athletic sex positions to her spit strings during blowjobs was really lovely to watch on a basic aesthetic level. She may be as plastic as porn stars come these days, but she’s got a natural gift for sensuality, and she loves to show it off. The woman knows what she’s doing and she revels in it. Tabitha loves feeling the camera on her as much as she loves feeling the skin of another person against her own. She eats out other women with poise, using all the right “pretty” angles, but she’s serious about giving pleasure, too. She wriggles and writhes in just the right ways to show off her angles and curves. She handles a shaft with the skill and grace of a practiced ballerina. She’s mesmerizing.

If porn is art — and there are many who would argue both sides of that question — then Sanatorium may not exactly be a masterpiece, but it is one of those pieces that you can’t help staring at for a long time at the museum. And when you get home, you’re still thinking about how beautiful it was, even if it didn’t make sense or speak to you on a rational level. It’s just beautiful and you don’t know what to do about it. …It’s a good damn thing I’m not an art critic.

Anyway, Sanatorium is worth watching not only because you’ll blow your load at least twice, but also because it’s a pleasurable kind of mindfuck. I may actually — are you ready for this, porn pervs? — go back and watch it again to try to understand the plot better. Yeah, you heard me. I might watch a porno twice. Not to rub one out to it again, although it’s very likely I’ll do that, but to try to understand the plot. This is the Mulholland Drive of blue films, ladies and gents. You may not understand or necessarily appreciate it, but hot damn is that lesbian scene hot!

—Miss Lagsalot

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