THE FLYING PINK PIG — “Snarky, sexy, and bursting with gourmet gank material!”

THE FLYING PINK PIG

Cal Vista & Cheeky Monkey

Directed by Erica McLean

Run Time 90 minutes

STARRING
Sunny Lane, Nicki Hunter, Emy Reyes, Megan Foxx, Tessa Taylor, Sasha Heart, Shayla LaVeaux, Ron Jeremy, Nick Manning, Lee Stone, Niko, Michael Vegas, Tommy Gunn, California Slim

This has got to be one of the most-hyped original pornos I’ve ever seen. I heard about it months ago, then again weeks ago, and again days ago, and when the press kit finally landed on my dining room table, I was still surprised at how dedicated Metro Media was to promoting this movie. Here’s one reason it’s great to be a porn reviewer: you get screener copies of all kinds of porn. Here another reason it’s unbelievably awesome to be a porn reviewer: you sometimes get posters, press materials, bottled water, and a stress reliever shaped like a flying pink pig along with them. Not sure where the water and the stress reliever fit into the porn theme, but hey, I’m willing to take what I can get, cause this gig doesn’t pay for shit. (That’s the reason it’s not always awesome.)

Anyway, The Flying Pink Pig was just as much fun as I hoped it would be. Despite all the hype, it doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is a precious commodity in a high-profile porno with a power cast like this one that’s timely enough to cash in on an LA-centric craze like the food truck phenomenon. Sunny Lane, of perfect patootie fame, is apparently driving around town in a tricked-out food truck that cooks up tasty delights, served with a side of Afro-disiac (no, really, it’s called Afro-disiac, and no, I won’t explain why because that would ruin the joke and I know Cal Vista and Cheeky Monkey really want you to see this movie, so I’m saving the mystery) by a sexy staff of nubile nymphomaniacs with a real passion for food and fucking. Needless to say, with at least half the clientele of the Pink Pig getting piping hot poon on the side, the truck is making a killing, and the nefarious Ron Jeremy (who I don’t think even bothered with a character name for this outing, cause he knows everyone’s gonna just remember him as Ron Jeremy anyway) wants a piece of the pie; actually, the whole pie. He sends his mammarially-blessed minion, Nicki Hunter, in to join the crew and get the inside scoop on the inner workings of the Pink Pig. Within hours, she’s infiltrated not only the Pig, but the pink parts of Sunny Lane, as well. Alas, we don’t get to watch the two of them pair up, but there’s plenty of steamy sex to go around later on.

Just as delicious as the nibbles the ladies hand-feed to their costars are the sex scenes themselves, which come hot on the heels of every crumb. Tommy Gunn applies his newly-recovered rockstar mojo to Megan Foxx on a private delivery, which is nice and all, but seriously, why are that dude’s balls SO bright purple? It freaks me out. Anyway, Sunny gets a threesome going with Ron Jeremy’s fake investor, Nick Manning, and his wife Shayla Laveaux, that’s worth a finger-licking good wank. Nicki takes on a construction worker in the form of Lee Stone, who provides the only anal scene in the movie inside the Pig itself; thank god the food safety people didn’t come around to see this sweaty set wrapping up with a cumshot right next to the cooking paraphernalia!  Emy Reyes seduces her favorite actor on the set of his latest film, and while I want to say the Latin action is super hot, I have to admit that the sheer greasiness of Niko’s hair is kind of terrifying. I have a hard time believing he didn’t smell horrible the whole time. I mean, they were both playing Latino characters, and this movie pulls no punches with racial stereotyping, but seriously? Greasy hair is nasty. Wash that shit.

All in all, greasy hair and lack of lesbian scene aside, The Flying Pink Pig is snarky, sexy, irreverent, and bursting at the seams with gourmet gank material: what more could you want out of a skin flick? Oh, what’s that? You’re wondering if Ron Jeremy takes over the company in the end? Well, my lovelies, welcome to a whole new world of porno plot twists: this movie’s got… dum dum dum… a cliffhanger ending! My god! How will they ever be able to wrap this up nicely without getting distracted by unwrapping the women’s panties? Will Ron Jeremy take up sex roles again? And will Cal Vista possibly be able to match or even one-up its advertising and promotion efforts from Volume I? And, hey, Cal Vista, would it hurt so much to send me a screener that doesn’t flash the words “Screener Copy” across the screen during the sex scenes? I may be reviewing, but I’m also trying to jerk off, here.

—Miss Lagsalot

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