BATFXXX — “A feast of flesh, a banquet of bodies, a smorgasbord of smut!”

BATFXXX
Bluebird Films

Directed by Nicholas Steele

Run Time 225 minutes

OVER 60 DERELICTS featuring: Paul Chaplin, Nick Manning, Madelyn Marie, Tonny Gunn, Krissy Linn, Isis Love, Tory Lane, Alexa Nicole, Persia Pele, Carolyn Reese, Bobbi Starr, Dani Jensen, Phoenix Marie, Yurzian Beltran, Katie Kox, Jenny Hendrix, Brynn Tyler, Nika Noire, Jazy Berlin, Brooke Haven, Brooke Banner, Dylan Ryder, Mason Moore, Madison Fox, Jamey Janes, Mina, Andy San Dimas, Kristina Rose, Breanne Benson, Scarlett Fay, Delta White, Anna Lovato, Cindy Behr, Jasmine Black, Kaia Kane, Rio Lee, Stacey Saran, Mr. Pete, David Perry, Derrick Pierce, Chris Johnson, Danny Wylde, Seth Gamble, Jerry, Keni Styles, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Will Powers, Danny Mountain, Mark Davis, Pike Nelson, Blake Rose, Billy Glide, Tony De Sergio, Alex Gonz, Johnny Castle, T.J. Cummings, Barry Scott, Demetri XXX, Dirty Dog, Jeff, Tony James

Imagine, if you will, the city of Gothard: a dark and seedy place where the citizens are as likely to dress as hot Halloween style referees or slutty cops as they are to don giant bat suits and fly through the sky at night. Imagine taking this cast of kooky characters, zany enough to have graced the set of Tim Burton’s first Batman movie, fluffing their clothing, makeup, and genitals to fit the standards of porn, and setting them down in the dark and almost apocalyptic mindset of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight series. Imagine Heath Ledger’s legendary Joker, further twisted from mere psychopath to perverted ringmaster. And then add to all these fantastical fancies a huge heaping portion of old-fashioned orgy, and you’ve got yourself BatfXXX. Actually, make that a dozen helpings of orgy—I lost count of the group sex scenes as I watched BatfXXX, as I did of my own orgasms, but you can bet there’s enough skin, sex, and sperm in this movie to account for at least twelve garden-variety bacchanals.

Bluebird Films’ much acclaimed release, starring Nick Manning as “The Bat,” writer Paul Chaplin as Jo-Kerr, and Madelyn Marie as Katwoman, and a cast of over sixty other sex-starved fiends to round out the numerous orgies, is a feast of flesh, a banquet of bodies, a smorgasbord of smut. As its four and a half hours of fornication unfold, not one scene is kept to the standard coital duo; oh no, BatfXXX is all orgies, all the time. Starting out with a phenomenal threesome scene between The Bat (nicknamed, throughout the movie, as “Batfuck”) and two women randomly trapped in a box in a warehouse (because that’s what nefarious villains do, you see—they put women dressed in skimpy outfits in crates and leave them there for a hero to find and fuck), things only get wilder as the Caped Cooze-sader spreads his bat wings and “drops bat-loads” all over the faces of numerous floozies. (And no, I didn’t make that up. Nick Manning plays Batfuck. Of course he’s going to be dropping “bat-loads” and making them “eat bat-cum.” Are you really surprised by this?)

At any rate, the plot, such as it is, follows a very basically similar trajectory as The Dark Knight: the Jo-Kerr is lending a helping and horny hand to the various villains of Gothard city as they try to bring down the big-bonered bat. His solution to the problem? A specially formulated “laughing gas” that renders even the most hardened of heathenistic superheroes harder than ever and causes “extreme arousal” in anyone who breathes it in. And, since criminals always, it would seem, gather in large numbers, the Jo-Kerr’s demonstrations of his product’s devious effects always end in massive orgies even Caligula would have gaped at. The sheer poundage of the naked flesh in this movie is almost overwhelming, as scene after scene unfolds the legs of anywhere from two to eight women and unleashes streams of sperm upon their faces, tits, asses, and orifices. It’s almost too much, but luckily I am a huge fan of orgies, so I managed to make it through the movie without passing out. However, I would not recommend this flick for porn newbies, nor those with heart conditions or high blood pressure. At least, not in full—this is a two-disc DVD set that will sit on my shelf and be plucked on cold winter evenings for some of its sexy scenes. I doubt I’ll ever have the fortitude to undergo a full viewing of this marathon of muff again, unless I get my hands on some Spanish Fly. Also, there is some clown sex in this movie. I’m not as terrified of clowns as some people are, but they’re still creepy as shit, so I have to dock a few points for clownsex, which is never appropriate.

Anyway, the Jo-Kerr’s plan makes little sense to me; I can’t tell if he’s really just a deranged and bitter old hippie who’s still trying to take over the world through free love (and thank god that movement failed the first time around; if all these performers had armpit hair and dreadlocks, I doubt I’d have gotten off) or if he’s smarter than that, planning a master-stroke to take out all of Gothard while its inhabitants, exposed unknowingly to the Laughing Gas, rip off each other’s clothing and engage in a city-wide sex fest. Or maybe he’s just a deep-down, honest-to-god pervert who wants to jerk off onto the faces of as many Gothardites as humanly possible, and that just pisses off the Bat because, hey, he’s Nick Manning, and he’s got a monopoly on jerking off onto women’s various body parts while screaming insane catchphrases.

Either way, though, I would give this movie two thumbs up if one was firmly holding my vibrator right now. As it is, I’m thinking happy thoughts about it, recommending it to anyone who loves watching a sea of sweaty, naked bodies writhing in ecstasy, and going back to the TV. With my vibrator. Later, hippies!

—Miss Lagsalot

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