GIA: PORTRAIT OF A PORNSTAR — “Like a badly-acted Lifetime movie with lots of p-in-v action.”

GIA: PORTRAIT OF A PORNSTAR

SunLust Pictures and Vivid

Directed by Spencer Benedict

LADIES AND LUGS Sunny Leone, Tori Black, Lexi Belle, Monica Mayhem, Breanne Benson, Jennifer Dark, Ariel King, Bill Bailey, Dale Dabone, Ryan Driller (Non-Sex performances by Herschel Savage, Janine Lindemulder, Randy West, Dyanna Lauren, Debi Diamond, Ron Jeremy, Mark Kernes, Jim Powers, Wesley Emerson, Evan Seinfeld, Marci Hirsch, Howard Levine, Spencer Benedict, Cecil B. Watkins, Duke Manly, Roger Ring, Ralph Parfait, Nicole, Holden Jay, Scott Wallach)

I have to admit, Gia confused me. I mean, it also gave me a few good orgasms. But despite the promo material’s claims that the movie was inspired by true events, and although it featured a host of porn industry big-wigs, from Ron Jeremy to Howard Levine, talking about the eponymous porn star Gia, I could not for the life of me figure out if this movie was supposed to be a pornified version of the equally porn-tastic Angelina Jolie movie about fashion superstar Gia Carangi, or a cobbled-together retelling of the sad trajectory of some unknown porn star’s life.

Tackling such difficult themes as lesbianism, jealousy, drug addiction, and AIDS, along with a never-ending parade of hardcore sex scenes, the movie tries to be a hard-hitting commentary on the life of a porn star with too much talent and a generous heaping of supernatural beauty, but ends up coming across as a badly-acted Lifetime movie with lots of p-in-v action. Which, of course, is nothing to scoff at.

Tori Black plays Gia’s (played by the lovely but somewhat acting-talent-challenged Sunny Leone) long-time girlfriend, and their two scenes together are, I must admit, stunningly sexy, but beyond that, I have to admit that I’ve seen better acting and better boning in a host of other horny films. Add to that fact that this movie ended depressingly with the star fading away into drug-use-induced AIDS, and you’ve got something of a boner-killing climax.

It’s not that Gia is a bad movie, it’s just that it’s kind of hard to get off when you’re more concerned for the main character’s health and safety than you are for your wad being shot. I appreciate the seriousness of the subjects SunLust Pictures was willing to take on, but in a porno? Come on, guys, think just a few seconds about your audience before you commit to your projects! I want to rub one out when I see Sunny Leone and Tori Black on screen together, not feel weirdly upset by the fact that their sharing bodily fluids might mean Tori’s character is contracting HIV. A little forethought, please?

—Miss Lagsalot

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