Last Day of My Twenties: A Tally of My Decade

PS I want this cake.

This is it, folks: THE LAST DAY OF MY TWENTIES. I’m trying to remember what I did on my 20th birthday, since I usually work pretty hard at making them epic. I’m drawing a big blank, though. And I was in undergrad. So it stands to reason I got irresponsibly intoxicated. There MAY have been a marriage performed by a friend who was “ordained” online and consecrated by the power of Odin… and involving vodka shots chased with whipped cream (not NEARLY as good an idea as it sounds, btw, and this was way before they had whipped-cream vodka, or vodka whipped cream)… I really hope that wasn’t official. But I think the fact that I can’t remember for sure guarantees that the occasion was irresponsible and ridiculous. I hope this year’s celebration will be just as ridiculous, if perhaps more responsible since I have a job now and all that. But now that I’m also of-age and able to enjoy more adult pleasures, I do believe this year will be even better than the preceding ten.

And now ten years have gone by. Part of me is sure I missed out on some things I was supposed to have done before I hit the thirty mark, and since there’s no time to be narcissistic as freely as a birthday, I’m going to just tally up what I DID do and what I DIDN’T do this past decade.

Things I Did in My Twenties:

Plenty of drugs

Trips to Great Britain and the Dominican Republic… and Canada

Lived on the Pine Ridge reservation in South Dakota for a year, taught kindergarten and preschool, and drove a schoolbus

Attempted to live in Chicago. Regretted it

Cut my hair off!

Had two major, life-changing relationships

Mourned the deaths of many friends and the passing of several friendships

Was published in two anthologies, one chapbook, several literary magazines, and a whole bunch of websites

Was considered for two different book deals (one is ongoing)

Landed a TV deal that, sadly, never went anywhere

Curated an art show

Came out to most of the people in my life as poly and queer

Came out to my family as a porn critic. Did not go well.

Met dozens of incredible human beings in the adult industry and was privileged to get to know many of them

Lived through a hurricane, an earthquake, several blizzards, and TWO, count ’em, TWO wars! Goooo ‘Murca!

Worked as: a teacher’s aide, a drama club advisor, an office manager, a secretary, an art model, a photography model, a go-go dancer, a receptionist, a freelance writer, a tutor, and an editorial assistant

Rode a horse along the coast of the Aisle of Angelsy off of Caernarvon, Wales, just after sunrise

Kicked ass.


Things I Didn’t Do in My Twenties (some of which people say you’re “supposed” to do, and some of which I just wish I had done… you can try to guess which are which):

Do “Spring Break” on a beach

Have a “slutty phase” like many people have told me I’m supposed to in my twenties

Get engaged or married or have kids or buy a house or any of that stuff

Come out to my family as poly and queer–still too afraid

Publish a book

Bungee jump, ski, paraglide, snowboard, skydive, or otherwise adventure in a very physical ways (except the horseback riding thing and some hiking and camping)

Travel to Asia or South America

Make any significant money at anything

Any of the awesomely incredible fantastic things I can’t wait to do in my thirties!


All in all, I think my twenties are looking pretty damn good in retrospect. If my thirties end up anything like them, with all the wisdom and maturity and deliciousness I think I can rightfully expect from them… look out, world.

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