DVD Cover Ponderings

Today’s hangover is brought to you by cheap two-for-one vodka martinis with disappointing olives. And it is a killer. I shall blog through it! And let me tell you, nothing takes the edge off like digging through a brand new box of porn! I just got a MASSIVE shipment of DVDs, eleven altogether, from a porn company for review, and… well… wow. I have obviously been dawdling too long in the world of high-end erotica and plot-driven queer porn, because leafing through titled like “Cocked and Loaded,” “Ass Mounted,” and “Big Addiction” came as something of a shock. I’d forgotten how sleazy the covers of porno DVDs can be!

And I mean suh-leazy! And ok, that’s all well and good. Not every DVD needs beautiful art design and breathtaking backgrounds, but some of this is just… Well… Maybe it’s a matter of taste. Maybe I’m just not your average porn consumer. But I can’t help wondering exactly who in the damn world would find appealing the image of a young woman, shot from below as she spreads her legs wide, with a HUGE veiny and unattractive penis (not all penises are unattractive, but this one I’ve got in mind REALLY is) originating somewhere behind the camera and disappearing into a kind of grotesquely stretched orifice. It’s just. I mean, it’s so gratuitous. Like, obviously there are going to be close-up shots of this woman being penetrated from every possible angle during the movie, when one will ostensibly already be aroused and images like this will be more sexy than disturbing. But on the box cover? It just looks like she’s being impaled on the world’s ugliest dong, in a totally unattractive way, and from the look on her face, the pressure of the thing is so intense it’s making her eyeballs pop out, and she’s not enjoying that sensation one bit.

I’m at a loss as to who sees that DVD cover in the video store and says, “Yes, this is the one I want to buy.” Obviously somebody, or this type of image wouldn’t be as prevalent as it is (though, thankfully, it’s not all that prevalent; the cover of “Ass Mounted” was actually very tastefully done, comparatively). But I wonder if people do market research on this kind of thing. If so, I’d love to read some of it. How popular are DVDs with covers like this when bought based on box cover images? It’d be fascinating the demographic information on who purchases what, because I’m just having trouble picturing the person who sees the monolithic cock shooting off into the middle distance and thinks, “Oh yeah that’s hot.”

Anybody know anything about this? I’m super curious.

Oh, speaking of being curious, remember those posts a while back about blowjobs in queer porn? Totally doing interviews with some hot studs of the queer porn world for an article for TheWomansPOV.com! You guys are gonna love it.

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