You may or may not know that I’m a relentless optimist. Sometimes I cover up that fact with a patina of sarcasm or self-deprecation, but usually I focus on the positive. In my writing, and particularly when it comes to writing about sex and sex work, I’m especially upbeat. There’s so much negativity around these subjects, built up over centuries of fear and shame and repression. While I acknowledge how complicated these issues can be, I also feel a nearly overwhelming need to highlight the positives, help people navigate the darkness, and to shine a light on the good stuff in the midst of the shadows. Especially in times like these, when there’s so much trying to divide us, I think the unity and happiness of sex are more important than ever.
So, you won’t be surprised by the upbeat attitude behind the links I’m about to share:
I spoke to 15 sex workers—porn stars, cam models, and dominatrices (dominatrixes? what’s the correct plural for that word?)—about why their careers in the sex industry rock, for Glamour. It was a real joy to hear about the freedom, empowerment, and satisfaction that these women get from their jobs, especially after most of them have read the same headlines that I have, touting the idea that women who do sex work are all “damaged” or “exploited” or “desperate.” Instead, many of them talked about their ability to do charity work, start non-profits, and help their friends, family, and fans. Read it all here!
Sex City Radio
Last week, I went live on Sex City Radio with the wonderful Claire Ah to talk about my book, Watching Porn, and to wax poetic about the positive things I see coming out of the porn industry these days. Claire Ah is also an incurable optimist, so the interview is pretty much us gushing over the possibilities for empowerment in sex work, in Marxist terms, of course. Because why not? Listen to the whole interview here!
I’ve also helped put together two “Sex Guide” columns over at MEL Magazine over the past month, because I love assisting in people making progress toward better sex!
- In the first, I paired the lovely sexual empowerment educator Amy Jo Goddard up with a woman who wanted to learn how get better at having orgasms with a partner after she’s spent months getting herself off. Read here!
- In the second, I got advice from polyamory advocate and sex worker Andre Shakti for someone whose partner is being just a totally entitled jerk about having a threesome. The takeaway? Don’t be a jerk about having a threesome and you might just get your wish! Read all the details here!
Back to the grind! But, hey, if you want to take some of my optimism about sex and porn home with you, consider getting a signed copy of Watching Porn directly from me! I’ll be happy to inscribe it however you like, and trust me: that inscription will be positive AF!