You guys, it’s Free Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven! Did you know this? You can go to any 7-Eleven and get a free 7.11 ounce Slurpee! Only until 7 p.m., though, so hurry! This is fantastic and not to be missed.
Same goes for all kinds of slurping. I recommend oral sex all around, for everyone, everywhere! The slurpiest, sloppiest, most delicious kind you can lay your mouth on!
Also, go get your free Slurpees and take photos of yourselves being sexy with them. Because f’realz, I just googled “Sexy Slurpee” and there is NADA. Nothing. No attractive people sticking out their tongues to lick Slurpees or even straws. Nobody covered in only Slurpee juice. NOTHING. This must be fixed. I call upon you, readers, to go out into the world, and SEXIFY THE SLURPEE!