THE INTERNS — “I am hereby taking my hat (and possibly my pants) off to a killer all-cooch movie.”

THE INTERNS

New Sensations’ Sappho Series

Directed by Chloe Sampson and Eddie Powell

Run Time 159 minutes

LEZBOS Samantha Ryan, Julia Ann, Sara Stone, Michelle Lay, Charlie Lane, Avy Scott, Allie Haze, Zoe Britton, Zoe Voss, Violet Monroe

Let me ask you something. Would you like to see some scissoring? Genital rubbing? Mutual masturbation? Cunnilingus? Fingering? Smothering? Any of these appeal to you? How about beautiful women doing all these things to each other in two- and threesomes? Why, what’s that you say? Who wouldn’t want to see that and jerk off to it several times in a sitting? Nobody I know, that’s for damn sure, myself included.

If you’re a fan of all the above, which I’m pretty sure anyone in his or her right mind would be, then hie ye down to Ye Olde Smut Emporium, or to this new-fangled website, to purchase your copy of New Sensations’ first installment of their new lady-centric Sappho series: The Interns. Set in the offices of a high fashion magazine called Haute Couture, the ladies in The Interns are ruthless career women with a taste for power and upward mobility… and also a deep, powerful hunger for pussy, which can help get a girl to the top of the professional ladder when everyone else in the office shares the craving!

The Sappho Series from New Sensations is aiming to fill a gaping void in the feature porn film market: high-end lesbian porn, made for women and by women. Judging by The Interns, I’d say Sappho is going to deliver on its promise and then some. Knowing that the film was coming from an industry powerhouse like New Sensations, I was a little concerned about the studio’s take on “lesbian” porn. I’ve seen way too many “lesbian” scenes from high-end studios that involve little to no chemistry, painful looking acrylic nails stuck in places they should never go, an almost obsessive focus on penetration using any and all available props, toys, digits, and limbs, and women who looked like they had no desire to go near another woman’s pussy. I mean, seriously, how am I supposed to rub one out to a porno where one bleached blonde with too-long claws keeping her face as far as humanly possible away from another woman’s clit while still performing cunnilingus? That’s not a turn-on! I was very worried that The Interns would be just more of the same old un-arousing crap.

I did not need to fear. I did not even need to fast-forward through the sex scenes to keep from getting bored. Let me repeat that: as a woman who reviews porn at least once a week and who thinks, talks, and writes about porn all the time, who usually fast-forwards through sex scenes because they bore her, I did not fast forward through these scenes. I fast-forwarded through the talking. The sex was that good, and with not a single man or even dildo to be found.

These women are into each other; from the first blazingly hot scene to the last, the performers’ chemistry is so intense that there are practically explosions on the screen when they touch. Avy Scott’s scorching, multi-orgasmic scene with Samantha Ryan at the beginning of the film sets and incredibly high bar for the others to follow; without a single instance of penetration in the entire half-hour scene, these two get each other off easily five times each with their fingers, tongues, legs, clits, and whole faces, and the entire thing is so mesmerizing that I didn’t even think to click on my Magic Wand!

Luckily, the following scenes live up to the white-hot hype: the threesome between Sara Stone, Michelle Lay, and Charlie Lane was so intense that the camera couldn’t quite untangle the knots of their limbs, but just hearing the sounds of their ecstasy was enough to make it worthwhile. When Julia Ann seduces Samantha Ryan (or vice versa, actually), the screaming reverberated through my living room, and my Magic Wand whirred to life. By the time I’d made it through Zoe Britton and Allie Haze’s champagne-pouring, foot worshiping, and face-sitting scene, and then again through Julia Ann and Zoe Britton’s wild romp, I was exhausted, and so was my vibrator.

But it was so worth it. The tingles I had down below when I watched it are reappearing right now, just thinking about how hot two (or three) women can be together, with nary a dildo or a cock in sight, and absolutely no need for one. I am hereby taking my hat (and possibly my pants) off to New Sensations for a promising new series and a killer all-cooch movie.

…I’ve got to go.

—Miss Lagsalot

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