Trinity Vibes 7 Speed Wand Massager
I’ve been using this thing for the past three days for all my massaging needs, and I’ve noticed that there’s one spot that responds more intensely than all the others! I mean, it sure feels nice to have vibrations that could bore through concrete working out the kinks in my shoulders and back, don’t get me wrong. But as I was using this seven-speed “massager” on all the places on my body where I could feel tension, I noticed that my crotch was responding far more quickly and emphatically to the vibrations than anywhere else! Whereas the massage felt good in most places, it felt positively DIVINE on my cooch!
Surprise! This isn’t a massager at all! It’s a sex toy! And one hell of an effective sex toy at that. While this might be seen by some as a less-pricey knock-off of the more famous Hitachi Magic Wand, it’s actually whole lot more than just that. You see, the Magic Wand, pricey and high-quality as I suppose it must be, operates on only two different powerful levels, which I’ve heard described as “great” and “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.” But the Trinity Vibes operates on seven levels, all of which are some variation of “great.” Call me crazy, but when I’ve got something between my legs that has so much power it has to be plugged into a wall to work, I feel a little better about the prospect of having a few levels to work through between “this feels nice” on level one, and “my crotch is going to be numb for days” on level seven. The Trinity Vibes works up toward magnitude five and above earthquake levels slowly and more manageably than the Magic Wand, and the variations of settings are in fact so much preferred by wand-using women that Trinity Vibes even makes a converter that can attach to the Magic Wand and give it that seven-setting advantage. Talk about a generous toy company: not only does Trinity Vibes get people off with a fantastic array of vibrational settings, but it’s willing to share those settings with the less-fortunate female fapper who’s only got a two-setting Magic Wand at home! That’s what I call a giving spirit.
Personally, I’m very glad there are seven settings on my toy. I’ve been going to bed with the Trinity for 
three nights straight, and I haven’t even made it past level three, which is another testament to the toy’s quality. I like to think of myself as a pretty practiced pussy in the arena of sex toys, but the Trinity Vibes Wand is humbling me — I have a vague concern that if I actually make it to level seven I’ll either come so spectacularly that I’ll end up kicking over the lamp near my bed and ripping the Wand’s cord out of the wall, possibly starting an electrical fire that could destroy my new toy — which would be tragic — or completely obliterate my ability to have an orgasm using anything else, ever again. So I’m taking it slow. I like to think of the Trinity Vibes Wand as a long-term boyfriend kind of commitment — no need to rush into anything. Let’s make the magic last!
Get one for yourself, and your cooch, here.
—Miss Lagsalot