Family Time in LaLaLand

Sitting around the table trying not to be too obviously the black sheep yesterday (by which I mean pretending that the perverted and inappropriate half of my brain wasn’t running on high as I sat across from my grandmother), I started thinking about family and what it means in the larger world versus the porn world.

Later in the day, as I tried to roll over my engorged belly to fall asleep, I got to considering how there are trends in porn performer names. We go through periods where every new girl is named “Veronica” or “Lexi” or “Shyla,” and it’s strange how the names eventually pile up as some of these new performers stick around and some fall by the wayside. And last names are even more ubiquitous in the porn community. There have to be more “Loves” and “Presleys” and “Roses” out there than there are Smiths, at least relatively speaking.

These two different thought progressions came together in a shocking moment where I began to wonder; does the massive overlap in some porn names imply incest? Think about it: just going through my “following” list on Twitter (PS, follow me, cause I’m awesome: and my own mental rolodex of porn performers, I can think of tons of surname overlaps: Lexi Love, Isis Love, the Love Twins; Keny Styles, Shyla Stylez; Jenna Presley, Teagan Presley; Jenna Haze, Shyla Haze, Allie Haze, Ashley Haze, Autumn Haze; Kristina Rose, Addison Rose, Mia Rose… Not to mention the plethora of pseudo-last-names like “Lee” and “Le” and “Lynn” that get applied to every other budding starlet.

I wonder, if you pair these performers up with one another (and despite my somewhat inadequate list, this can happen in hetero- or homosexual porn because even the male performers fall into some of the same naming traps, though of course I can’t think of any who do at the moment) in one-on-one or in group scenes… Does anyone on the set even think of the incestuous implications? It seems unlikely, given that all these monikers are just stage names, but then again, given that porn’s business is busting open taboos and letting us enjoy our deepest of perversions, maybe the idea that in LaLaland, these people are “family” is part of the fun.

Take, for instance, the Love Twins, who are purportedly identical twins who perform as a team. Lacey and Lyndsey (yes, it does make me a tad uncomfortable that she spells it almost like I do) market themselves as an incestuous duo and make huge money for it. I personally doubt that they’re related; they look similar, but if you ask me they’re not even close to being identical. But that’s not the point at all. The point is that you’re supposed to assume and imagine that they’re sisters and they get it on for the camera all the time. And though incest is one of the most widely dispersed of basic human taboos, though almost every culture and country outlaws it and most of us shudder to think of its implications, it’s such a deeply rooted taboo that most of us kind of have a dark part of ourselves somewhere deep down underneath the rock we keep firmly placed over it, that want to see what it looks like.

The porn industry is only too willing to provide us with a sneak peak into a fictional but functional vision of our weirdest fantasies, and if that means pairing Kristina Rose with Mia Rose and Addison Rose (which I don’t think has ever actually happened), not mentioning that they all have the last name but letting the discerning viewer’s mind wander a bit, and showing them in a threeway all-girl fuck fest, then so be it. If we really want to, we can imagine them all sitting down later for a lesbian triplet Thanksgiving dinner and giving thanks for their ability to leave behind social mores in favor of sexual pleasure.

Kind of makes me squirm in my turkey-besotted post-Thanksgiving haze, but then again, those taboos that go entirely unexplored by our brains or our blue films industry can fester and grow into much, much worse and more twisted variations of real-life scenarios, right? Isn’t that how serial killers and weird holiday rapists get their start? By suppressing their interest in universal taboos until that interest explodes into a completely unhealthy set of behaviors designed to explore the taboo in a very, very unacceptable way? So, though the Love Twins and their incestuously sexy ilk make me uncomfortable and I really can’t condone the idea of pairing Jenna and Teagan Presley on screen in a purposeful way, I can kind of nod a little bit at the fact that my brain came up with this weird question and then answered it, kind of vaguely, in its “I-ate-too-much-to-have-coherent-thoughts-today” kind of way. Porn is one of those things you have to kind of let fly, or else god knows where we’d be.

Anyway, let it be noted that I was not thinking about this while actually at the dinner table yesterday. It only occurred to me as I pondered what kind of blog post to write and if there was any way to apply the idea of a family holiday to a porn- and sex-oriented blog. Rather than bitching about how my career and writing material are scorned at the dinner table, I thought bringing up an entirely different set of porn family (and make no mistake, the porn community is a large, twenty-first century extended family in its own weird way) values might be an interesting side trip for your minds to take while digesting and not thinking too hard this weekend. Enjoy!

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