Live-Blogging My Reading of The 25 Funniest Autocorrects of 2012

Possibly the best thing about the end of a year is the best-of lists. I am particularly fond of autocorrect lists, because something about the frustration of the texters and the bemusement of the recipients never ceases to amuse me. And this one is pretty good, methinks. I’m going to read it and blog my comments, you should read along. Remember to get tissues because some of these will make you cry from laughing.

1. McDonald’s: This makes me wonder how many autocorrect mistakes are the result of marijuana. I’m thinking a LOT.

2. We Hope: My new pet name for everyone in my life who gets a pet name is Skittletits. As a matter of fact, that might be my new Twitter name. Holy shit I can’t stop laughing.

3. Buckle: Don’t be ashamed! That’s some powerful sphincter work! Be proud!

4. Fajitas: Uh, yeah, chickens don’t have vaginas. They have cloacas. Dirty, dirty cloacas.

5. Meditating: See, this should be a completely acceptable conversation. Grump!

6. Prune Juice: Oh GOD EW.

7. God Donkey: I think the funniest thing about autocorrect mistakes is how annoyed the person trying to send the text gets, resulting in repetition of hilarious mistakes and even more hilarious OTHER mistakes. That’s the key to a great autocorrect exchange, amiright?

10. Epi Pen: This one makes me reflect on the fact that, from what I’ve gathered (which might be entirely wrong–I really don’t keep up with this shit), autocorrect LEARNS. This guy must use the word “penis” a lot in his texts for his phone to be so convinced that “deep” and “epic” go along with it. Sexting Dads… be careful when you’re texting your kids!

11. Shaved Pork: Same lesson applies to sexting sons when they’re texting their moms. Especially guys who like sexting about SHAVED pussies (weird? anyone else find that odd?).

12. Pool Party: This text receiver must be a pretty open-minded dude. The possibility of a poop party doesn’t even seem to phase him.

13: Chocked on Toast: Is that title a spelling error or are they trying to make a coffee joke? Badly done. Anyway… I’m going to Monterey because that shit looks WAY more fun than here.

14: Acoustic: I… am not going to tell you any of the hilarious but incredibly offensive mental images that the words “live autistic version of Hotel California” conjures for me.

15. One More Beer: No! Don’t leave! I’ll be right there!

16. Gangster Life: DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME! Oh honey, you NEED to be made fun of. It’s good for your character, trust me.

17. Gettin’ Pringles: What I want to know… who is this woman for whom getting Pringles constitutes a good night? Is this some mixed drink I haven’t heard of? Drug slang? A new sex position?

18. Buttered Potatoes: Oh my god, this makes my sides hurt. And it also makes me think that iPhones have really dark senses of humor.

19. So Excited: Now I’m crying with laughter. And wondering if Skittles has some kind of deal with autocorrect programs. This seems like it’s rigged.

21. Dear Husband: “Signed, The Black Widow…”

22. Fuchsia: Yeeeah, fuckweasels are definitely fuchsia. And, now that I’ve typed it twice… Who the fuck decided how to spell fuchsia? That shit is ridiculous. What a weird word.

23. Taking Your Mother Out: Again… sexting dads… Also, this one is fun to imagine in the voices of Simon Pegg and Bill Nighy from Shaun of the Dead because I’m a dork.

24. Playing with my Laptop: AAAAHAHAHAAAA! Wait… hang on… you hope you didn’t wake someone up before, so you’re texting them? That’s just rude.

25. ???: Ideas?

 

 

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