THE GRADUATE XXX — “[It] will blow your brains out through your junk!”

THE GRADUATE XXX
Exile Pictures

Directed by Paul Thomas

GRADUATES
Anthony Rosano, India Summer, Raven Alexis, Dale Dabone, Veronica Avluv, Kagney Linn Karter, Lexi Belle, Marie McCray, James Bartholet, Herschel Savage, Rod Fontana, Ron Jeremy

I’ve got one word for you: watch this fucking movie. Shut up, I know it’s four words. It’s an inside joke.

Let’s just get this one niggling issue out of the way: Anthony Rosano as Ben Bradcock in The Graduate XXX looks absolutely nothing like Dustin Hoffman in the original (he’s got at least a hundred pounds of muscle and size on Dusty), but he pulls off the awkward stalker vibe with panache. As a matter of fact, I was gratified that Ben’s creepster tendencies were brought to light and mocked in this iteration, because when I saw The Graduate for the first time I commented to friends about how I hadn’t realized the movie was about effective stalking. My friends looked confused by this comment, but I couldn’t imagine how they didn’t walk away from the movie feeling like they needed a shower and some bourbon. Thankfully, Paul Thomas, a pornographer may I remind you, got the peeping-at-a-girl-from-behind-the-bushes-is-stalking vibe and brought it to light, along with all of Ben’s other eccentricities. And, frankly, the fact that I can make this statement about the nuances of directing and acting in a porn parody says a lot about The Graduate XXX.

Seriously, as far as parodies go, I’ve got to hand it to The Graduate XXX—or, I would if my hand wasn’t all sticky. Ahem. The acting is top notch for a skin flick; India Summer’s Mrs. Robinson pulls off that blend of sizzling hot, total bitchiness in her acting and even in her sex scenes. Did you know that it’s possible to give a blowjob that’s cold, calculated, almost clinical, and yet creative and of course effective, all while holding a conversation with the recipient about your daughter? Me neither. But Mrs. Robinson can do it, and I find that totally unsurprising. I also found the several scenes in which she was tied up and gagged really fitting; Paul Thomas obviously worships the original movie and has spent many a long, sleepless night thinking about Mrs. R’s fetishes.

Most of the roles in this movie were filled out—and the holes filled in—astonishingly well, and the writing and directing turned what could have been a ho-hum humpfest with a few classic lines thrown in, into a film just as quirky, and easily as kinky, as the original 1967 classic. Even the music was spot on. (Which leads me to the question: who are the people who make the music for porn parodies? Where did this Simon & Garspunkel set come from? I want to meet these people because they’re probably stoned all the time.)

But it’s not just the filminess of The Graduate XXX that’s worth watching. Oh hell no. I don’t care how well-crafted your script is: this is still a porno and I expect the hanky panky to be hunky dory. And this movie delivers: two bondage scenes, one threesome scene, three straight-up guy/girl scenes, one cum-crowned cameo by Evan Stone, and one lesbian scene that will blow your brains out through your junk if you watch it twice. Trust me, I know because I did it. At least twice.

—Miss Lagsalot

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