BY APPOINTMENT ONLY #10 — “All you hear is muffled panting lost in body cavities!”

Triangle Films

Directed by Kahtryn Annelle

Syd Blakovich, Avy Scott,  Jiz Lee, Ash Hollywood, Dana DeArmond, Juelz Ventura, Dylan Ryan, Celeste Star

You know what’s amazing about Triangle Films movies? I get involved in them. Not just the plot-heavy ones, either. I get really into the vignettes, too. Like on the edge of my seat style. I’ll be eating a snack while watching a DVD or scene, and I’ll find myself paused, perfectly still, in mid-bite, holding my breath and not even chewing, staring wide-eyed at the screen with an expectant, “oh-my-god-what’s-going-to-happen?” look on my face. As if I don’t know what’s going to happen. Obviously some breasts are going to appear, and some women are going to have some sex.

But that’s the beauty of most triangle Films outings: you really don’t know what’s going to happen. Beyond the promise of “ladysex,” really it could be almost anything. The sex in these movies may be all-female, but when you take off your pants, grab the popcorn (I prefer the kettle variety), and dive in, there’s no way to know what will transpire. Licking? Fingering? Scissoring? Toys? Strap-ons? Domination? Whips? Ball-gags? Clothes-pins? Leg-humping? Tit-mashing? Grunting? Squirting? Fisting? There’s no way to know. These movies are “lesbian sex” in the truest sense of the word—sex between women—but what acts they choose  to get each other off vacillates from scene to scene and movie to movie. Anything can happen. You have to pay attention!

And it’s not just the action you might not be able to predict: the other thing is that, in all the Triangle Films movies I’ve seen, the orgasms pop up all over the place. So half of my excitement stems from wondering what will happen next, but the other half is pure breathless anticipation of a real goddamn female orgasm on the screen. These are rare in the world of porn reviewing, and they are intense. As a matter of fact, that might be the best thing about Triangle movies. By Appointment Only #10 is a perfect example: these women are deeply devoted to what they’re doing up in each others’ biz, sometimes so much that all you hear for half of a scene is muffled panting and obscured moans that are lost deep in the body cavities of the other woman. They’re all about it. And it’s mesmerizing to watch. If you’ve seen “lesbian sex” in other porn films, get thee to a Triangle movie and behold what you’ve been missing.

First on the lusty lineup, we have Syd Blakovich (a favorite of mine—she’s a hard-ass and pretty darn butch but incredibly gorgeous and she has the most amazing tattoos) and Avy Scott playing the roles of naughty massage therapist and appreciative client. They flub their way through their lines, obviously just trying to get to the sex, until they get to the skin-rubbing part, which is as authentic as you’ll ever see in cinema, whether it’s the blue variety or not. Syd can’t take her eyes off of Amy’s ass, and pretty soon she’s eating it like a vegetarian who just scented bacon for the first time in ten years and can’t control ehrself, and the scene unravels into panting orgasms and sweaty scissoring after that.

Next, Dana DeArmond and Juelz Ventura conduct a job interview that moves into a bedroom and devolves deliciously into the daintiest, most “ladylike” sex of the movie—if you don’t consider Juelz’s screamed demands and Dana’s flailing “ladylike.” I’m sure that’s subjective. Anyway, the thing that got me giggling in this scene, between those frozen moments of glued-to-the-screen, I-need-new-pants intensity, was hearing two porn performers discuss a job benefits package. Healthcare? Ooooh. A raise? Wowwww. Stock options? Aaaahhhh. And a 401K? Yes! …I’ve never seen anybody get as excited over a 401K as these two, who almost certainly have never been offered 401Ks by their companies. Honestly, good for them. 401Ks are bullshit.

Next, Dylan Ryan and Celeste Star, good friends who haven’t seen each other in years, bump into each other in an “office building” that looks suspiciously like “someone’s home,” then meet up later to pretend like they’re doing something other than trying to get into teach other’s panties. The façade doesn’t last long, of course, and soon enough, Dylan is trying to hold the athletic and wildly multiple-orgasmic Celeste down to the bed long enough to get her off. Celeste Star has always fascinated me as one of those demure, dainty-looking females that is, in reality, a white-hot live wire of sexual energy so intense she practically explodes when someone touches her. It’s exciting and actually a little intimidating to watch, but I had no fear for her scene partner. Dylan Ryan is a tall drink of knee-knocking-incredible (I just met her a few weeks ago, and she IS that tall and she IS that gorgeous), and she can handle a writhing mass of moans and thrusting hips like Celeste any day.

Lastly, Jiz Lee and Ash Hollywood, perhaps the cutest pair of “totally platonic” best friends in the history of pornography, go the “let-me-massage-you-because-you’ve-been-studying-too-hard” route and end up, naturally, eating, fingering, choking, and fisting each other. Unfortunately, I don’t feel a lot of chemistry going on in this scene, but the action itself is gorgeous. Jiz, as always, is fascinating to watch and takes control of the scene from the first minute, working a mesmerizing blend of sexy, dominant, respectful, and playful into a heady blend of crazy-hot, but I don’t think they’re really all that into Ash, or maybe just not in the mood. It’s all good in the end, however, as everyone gets off and goes home happy after a good session of five-finger fucking.

Of course, as is typical in DVD versions of movies that might be shipped over state lines and into possible obscenity territory, the fisting isn’t shown. It’s implied. Which is a damn shame, because the look of pure bliss that crosses Jiz’s face at the moment of climax made me drop my popcorn all over my lap and say, “I want that!” But it’s hard to say what one really wants unless one can get a good look at it, n’est-ce pas?  Of course, Ash Hollywood is so beautiful and willing to please that I’m pretty sure I’d let her do anything she wanted to me, provided we had a lot of lube.

—Miss Lagsalot

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