SEXPERT ADVICE — I cheated with my wife’s best friend!

Dear WHACK!

I got drunk at a party while my wife was away and ended up sleeping with one of her best friends. We had a great time but there has been no emotional entanglement afterward. We both just feel awful about what we did, but we don’t know how to tell my wife without her thinking there’s more between us than just that one fling. Help! What should I do?

—Oops

Dear Oops—

Wow, dude. I don’t know what to tell you. Obviously your wife has every right to be upset by this, since it happened without her knowledge while she was away. And obviously you and her friend should feel badly for this. But I’m not sure why you think that WHACK! Magazine, of all the publications on the internet, is the one to go to for moral advice. We know sex and porn, but morals? We all lost those somewhere in the third grade.

You want to know how I’m not qualified to answer this? My first reaction to your question was “THREESOME!” I mean what better way to bring you all together and get to enjoy your infidelity once again? It sounds like a dream come true to me!

But then I realized that this is probably not in the cards unless your wife is a lot cooler with you sleeping around than your initial question implies. And if she’s not somewhat open to group sex or open relationships, which I’d assume she’s not since you haven’t told her yet what happened… then… I don’t understand her or know how to answer your question.

So, yeah. I’d say go for the threesome. Or just tell her and deal with the fallout—you fucked up and you’re going to have to face the music if you want to come clean. But dude, my moral compass points straight toward hell, so honestly… go ask Abby.

—Miss Lagsalot

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