SEXPERT ADVICE — It hurts when we bang!


My girlfriend has a really tight vagina. It feels great for me, but when we start having sex she almost always says it hurts. How can we have sex without pain?

—Don’t Want to Hurt Her

Dear DWHH,

Two words, my friend: foreplay and lube. Despite what you often see in porn, most women aren’t naturally lubed up and ready to go down below. Although women in porn seem to go directly from a perfunctory blowjob to disappearing the sausage, there’s a lot of editing that cuts out the gallons of lube being applied between positions. Most women don’t take one look at a cock and immediately slide off our chairs in slick anticipation. Actually, it takes the majority of us a little while to get to the point of ruining our underwear, and for some women it’s more difficult than for others. Especially for women who are small in that area, lubrication—whether natural or from a bottle—is the key to success in penetrative sex.

There are two ways to lubricate, as I mentioned already. The easiest one is lube, and lube can be a man’s best friend. It’s easy to buy and easy to use—and easy to overuse! Be careful you don’t squirt out too much of it or you’ll both be slippery messes. But personally, I promote the natural method with just a touch of lube to help. That’s right: foreplay.

Foreplay is everybody’s friend. The vast majority of us—men, women, and everyone in between—love foreplay because it feels great and prolongs the pleasure of a sexual encounter. Instead of ten minutes of hard-and-fast humping, foreplay can offer hours of slow buildup and climactic release. It’s fun, it’s fabulous, and it’s the perfect way to find out what your partner is really into. Women, particularly, tend to love the juicy stuff before penetration, and the more time you spend really working her up, the more ready she’ll be when it’s time to dip your sword into her holster. And I mean real foreplay, not phoned in, ho-hum, “Ok I licked you twice are you ready yet” shenanigans. It sounds like your lover’s love tunnel is a wonderful place to be, so it deserves your time and attention to get it ready for you. Take that time, give it the warmup it wants, make sure to have some lube on hand to help things along, and you’ll both get what you need.

—Miss Lagsalot

PS: Of course, there are some other possibilities to consider. If you try lube and foreplay and find that she is still in pain, it may be time to visit a doctor. Some women are naturally smaller than others, and it may be the case that your lover simply can’t handle the girth of your penis. Similarly, she may have vulvodynia, a condition that causes massive pain in the genital reason to millions of women and is little understood by science as yet. She may have an infection of some kind, as well—yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis, as well as many STIs, can cause stinging and burning sensations during intercourse. Whatever the case, if foreplay and lube don’t help, a doctor should be able to help her identify the problem and help to ease it so you can enjoy each other fully.

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