It’s Masturbation Month, Bitches!

Image courtesy of funnyjunk.com

Did you know that May is International Masturbation Month? Did you know that I love masturbation? Not just, you know, for myself, but as a concept. Getting oneself there is one of the safest forms of sex. It’s enjoyable for everybody. It’s a form of exercise. It’s a way too get familiar with your body and its preferences. And it’s way too hush-hush. So here are some true (I think–my internet research skills are not that honed) facts about masturbation for you to trot out in conversation with friends this month. Share the good (and weird, and interesting) word! Masturbation Month is here!

1) People who have sex regularly actually masturbate more than those who don’t.The thinking is that this is because people who have more sex tend to be more open-minded about sexuality and therefore more likely to jerk off . So that stereotype of the sad single person fapping away sadly in the dark? Not so accurate, it seems. More accurate would be the experienced and active sexual being who happens to be alone, enjoying him/her/themself.

2) Masturbation is really good for you. Not only is it fun and therefore worth doing, it’s also a natural stress and pain reliever, and it has been linked to lowered menstrual cramps, less-awful PMS, and much bigger smiles in female-bodied people. In male-bodied folks, more orgasms (which can be gotten via whacking it, obvi) have been strongly linked to a lower rate of prostate cancer.

3) Pretty much everything I’ve read says that almost all people–though this study was talking only about binary  genders–masturbate. Regularly. 22% of ladyfolks admit to daily nubbin-rubbing, while 40% of male types admit to jerking the gherkin every day. (Now, granted, these numbers are based on binary-gendered studies. I’d be fascinated to know more about the masturbatory tendencies of nongendered, trans*, and other people! Like… WAY fascinated. Anybody out there want to share info on your frequency/habits? Hit me up at misslagsalot@gmail.com!)

4) About half of women (again, binary studies here) report using vibrators while masturbating, and about 17% of men. Get thee to GoodVibes to get in on the action!

5) Remember how I said almost everybody masturbates? That includes fetuses in utero. And lots of animals, too.

6) Pre-birth wanking aside, over half of boys and about a quarter of girls (this binary thing is getting annoying) admit to having masturbated by the age of 13.

7) If we take for granted that porn is the medium most often used to masturbate to, porn statistics can tell us a lot about our fapping tendencies. The consensus? We love to masturbate. Actually, “love” is probably too tame a word: A third of all data downloaded from the internet is pornography, a quarter of all searches online are porn, and smut sites get more traffic than Amazon, Netflix, and Twitter… combined.

8) There have been more than 2.5 million Fleshlights sold worldwide. And there probably is no way to count how many vibrators. I’m thinking it’s in the hundreds of millions. And that’s not counting random things that happen to vibrate (phones, electric toothbrushes, and so on).

9) People masturbate more on Sundays than any other day of the week. I wonder how Jesus feels about that.

10) About 40% of women prefer to get get themselves off over having sex. I wonder how I feel about that one.

And here, for your viewing and sharing pleasure, are twenty questions about masturbation, answered in one minute by an expert at Planned Parenthood!

How many times a week do you do the solo deed? Do you prefer to go solo? Do you find yourself wildly departing from the above statistics? If you’re a non-binary gendered person, what can you tell me about your experiences whacking off? Are they different from the experiences of binary people? Similar? Talk to me, people!

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