You guys! Seriously! I hope you’ve been getting yourselves (or each other) off every day for Masturbation Month. I’ve been slacking on blogging specifically because I’ve been so busy rubbin’ the nubbin’ all the time. Well, not really. I had a crazy weekend. But still! Masturbation Month rocks my socks and I hope it gets your other parts percolating, as well. So… Then… WHY NO STORIES? Hm? Why are all of you sexy, beautiful, intelligent, and masturbatorial readers NOT SENDING ME YOUR JERKING-OFF STORIES?
Ok, fine. To get, one must often give. So here’s a tidbit to get your tiddlies tingling:
Ever have one of those horrific all-day hangovers that leaves you totally flattened and miserable for hours upon hours, possibly interspersed with violent vomiting? These happen to me more regularly than I’d like to admit. My body does not like imbibing too much, but the rest of me REALLY enjoys it. So sometimes we fight.
Last time this happened to me, I was miserable. Absolute abject awfulness. I had been lying in bed and getting up periodically to projectile vomit all day. It was foul. I was a wreck. I wanted the world to disappear, but my head hurt too bad to sleep. I was writhing around on my bed, ruing the day whiskey was invented, when suddenly–pop! I was turned on. My brain got to work on a fantasy, which distracted me from how awful I felt, and before I knew it, I was touching myself to the rhythm of this amazing fantasy I invented on the spot involving oral sex and bondage (yeeeeah). After a few minutes I was utterly shattered by a mind-blowing orgasm.
And I learned something that day, friends. Hangover days are the best days to whack off. Your brain needs a distraction from your misery. Your body needs a way to get blood moving and things into a state of semi-normal un-sickness. And nothing makes you de-terrible like a panting, squirming self-gratification sesh. I highly recommend it.