Miley Cyrus Makes Me Yawn

I don’t have much in the way of time today to blog, so I thought I’d just mention that Miley Cyrus, and the controversy swirling around now-allegedly-faked nude pictures of her that surfaced immediately after her 18th birthday, and Hustler’s slobbering eagerness to release a Cyrus porn parody in the same time frame, is all frightfully boring. We all know, from the years of overexposure we’ve had to this young starlet-thing via her obnoxiously over-advertised and over-appreciated careers in “music” and “acting” as both Miley and Hannah Montana, that the girl is an example of Hollywood ego inflation to the Nth degree. We all know she’s been unrepentantly farmed out by her achey-breaky-hearted and washed-up Dad. We all know that she’s cute as hell. We all know pretty much EVERYTHING about her. So Jesus jumping Christ on a trampoline, why do we care if photos of her naughty bits come out? We’ve seen her in skimpy outfits on stage for years now. We’ve seen video of her giving a lap dance at a party. We’ve seen her open her mouth wide near a mic. Our imaginations, I’m sure, can take care of the rest for us if we really feel a burning need to see her boobs and bottom. And, if the media keeps up this kind of frothing feeding frenzy, sooner or later some REAL photos will surface.

Big. Fucking. Whoop.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t be interested in yet another totally predictable child star’s fall into infamy. Lindsay Lohan was the last time I found myself mildly interested in a meteoric plunge into drugs and public nudity, because we share a name and natural hair color, and because Lilo’s boobs are simply stunning. Also, I like her “fuck you” attitude and willingness to make fun of herself. But I’ve been bored by her repeated trips to jail/rehab/out-for-the-day-and-on-Rodeo-drive. She’s as predictable as the next Britney Spears by now, and I can’t see Miley Cyrus, no matter if she goes the batshit-crazy or the good-head-on-her-shoulders route, being any more interesting.

Remember the insanity that surrounded the Olsen Twins’ coming of age? I remember there being a website devoted to counting down the days, minutes, and seconds until the pair was legal. I was in college, and the excitement was palpable: would they take off their clothes? would they do porn? would they do porn together?? Nobody could wait to see what these two child prodigies would do when the magic moment happened.

And you remember what happened? They went to NYU, one had a drug/eating disorder problem. They both were relentlessly followed around by the media until they took to wearing ridiculous clothes and… yawn… starting their own fashion line. I actually kind of enjoy the Olsen twins for their quirkiness, and because they’ve thankfully resisted the urge to release fragrances and heavily Auto-Tuned pop albums, but… Seriously, guys, are we not over the “Some Celebrity Just Turned 18” mania? When’s the last time it was interesting because of the celebrity and not our own creepy obsession with “Barely Legal” porn?

I could go back to bed just thinking about the whole thing. Bleh.

1 thought on “Miley Cyrus Makes Me Yawn

  1. Ben says:

    >Given my expertise in the field of celebrity nudity (most men hold at least a bachelor's degree in the discipline) I feel I should weigh-in and say that the Lilo pic you linked to looks to be a body double. She does have bodacious boobs though.


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