Category: Perverted Products for Pussies and Pricks
-
LELO ODEN — “This toy is too fancy to go rushing in like a bull in an unchaste china shop!”
Let me be perfectly frank, reprobates: the LELO Oden, or any of the new Insignia line of toys from my favoritest-favorite erotic toy company, LELO, is neither for the novice nor for the mentally benumbed. Ok, that wasn’t so frank. Let me be frank-er: the LELO Oden confused the bejesus out of me for the…
-
THE CANDY STICK — “If it had a handle it would be a police baton of pulverizing pleasure!”
THE CANDY STICK I don’t feel a need to make too many silly jokes about a toy with a name so patently sexy, so let’s cut to the chase, shall we? There are a bunch of reasons you should consider purchasing a Candy Stick from Papaya Toys: the company is small and run on socially…
-
THE LELO LILY PLEASURE OBJECT — “It will keep you, your partner, and the naughty bits it cups so pleasantly, all very happy!”
THE LELO LILY PLEASURE OBJECT There are a lot of things I love about LELO, the Swedish designer sex toy and accessory company. One is that they use phrases like “only the most stylish and luxurious intimate lifestyle accessories” on their website to describe their toys. Another is that their products are all rechargeable, so…
-
CRYSTAL DELIGHT ANAL PLUG — “Sparkly-ass luxury at its finest!”
Ok, first of all, this little butt plug is far and away the most beautiful piece of glass in my house. And I’m “420 friendly”; there’s a lot of glass sitting around my abode. But this adorable little toy, which is meant to be stuck up my poop chute, puts it all to shame. Firstly,…
-
THE CELEBRATOR — “It took me five minutes, tops.”
I’ve got to admit, when I first laid eyes on the Celebrator at the AEE convention in Vegas, I kind of giggled. The thing was obviously an electric toothbrush with some cute pink accents and a weird Q-tip looking plastic attachment on the end of it. “Get a pulse pounding, earth shattering orgasm!” the packaging…
-
THE TANTUS FEELDOE VIBRATING DOUBLE-ENDED DILDO — “If you like double penetration, you will fucking love the Feeldoe.”
If you can say the name of this toy five times fast, you win a pussy-eating prize, I’m sure! If your tongue can manage to trill out the likes of that phrase in such quick succession, I feel confident you can eat a lady out till the cooze comes home without breaking a sweat. But…
-
TOUCHE FRIGGA — “One hell of a small yet mighty muff manipulator.”
TOUCHÉ FRIGGA I could make this into a bad review if I wanted to. Because heres’ the thing. The Frigga is so powerful, so mind-blowingly strong in its vibrations, that the hand I was holding it with is still numb and tingly as I write this. Which makes it very hard to write. Also, after…
-
TRINITY VIBES 7 SPEED WAND MASSAGER — “This isn’t a massager at all! It’s a sex toy! And one hell of an effective sex toy at that.”
Trinity Vibes 7 Speed Wand Massager I’ve been using this thing for the past three days for all my massaging needs, and I’ve noticed that there’s one spot that responds more intensely than all the others! I mean, it sure feels nice to have vibrations that could bore through concrete working out the kinks in…
-
THE EVOLVED “SPICE” — “Oh, Spice, let’s be short and sweet together, forever.”
The “Spice” Double-Motor Massager from Evolved Novelties’ “Short & Sweet” Series I came home from a week on vacation to find a huge box waiting for me. I felt my heart beating faster as I opened it, but nothing could have prepared me for the smorgasbord of sex toys and smut that lay within! Evolved…
-
THE WE-VIBE II — “The We-Vibe II is like a gift from heaven, if God were a sex toy manufacturer.”
At the Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas this January, I had the best light-bulb moment of my life. I’d been scanning through the sex toys on display and suddenly realized: “Hey! Most of these toys are for women! I’m a woman! And I write for a sex magazine! I could get free sex toys and…