Good news, my darlings! It’s May! the month when the weather finally turns warm enough for sun dresses–and stays that way! The month when flowers pop into bloom! The month when our libidos remember their former glory! And the best month to masturbate!
For real! May is National Masturbation Month, and I really don’t think it’s possible for me to be more excited. There will be annual Masturbate-a-Thons, smooth palms full of lube and lotion sliding across organs across the land, vibrators buzzing away along with the spring’s busy bees, and all manner of hot not-quite-sex going on everywhere. I’m so excited I’m practically slipping out of my chair! To alleviate said slipperiness, I plan on celebrating every day and convincing all my friends and lovers to do the same! Preferably in front of me or on camera, because… well I’m just dirty like that.
And I’d like to extend my dirtiness! I think that nothing could help us celebrate this lovely month devoted to self-love like hearing stories of self-sexing. This is an official open call for all my readers and friends and colleagues and fellow sex-bloggers and writers and performers and everyone out there to send me your stories of self-gratification! I want to hear about your best and worst times, the times you got walked in on or wanted to but didn’t, your favorite methods, your favorite toys… EVERYTHING! Pick a topic that pertains to getting it on with yo’ hot self and e-mail it to me! Tell your friends, tell your family! Just share away! Masturbation is the safest and sometimes most pleasing form of sex, and the stigmas associated with it are being slain every day by people talking about it. Show share your stories, tell me about your hottest hand-love… and I’ll post it on the site within the month, I promise! I’ll be soliciting stories from all my friends and fellow fappers, as well, but readers: you gotta start this train. I’ll get the engines roaring by telling a story or two of my own over the next few days while (hopefully–please) your stories trickle in, like a glistening bead of pre-ejaculate on a throbbing member.
Yep. Send me more of that.
E-mail stories (NOT PHOTOS! Or… well ok, send photos if you’re over 18, but don’t expect me to post them… I might just keep them… Teeheehee…) to firstname.lastname@example.org!